hmm...

My Dreams killed me · 04-22-2007, 06:32 PM

This isn't exactly a rant...per say...more of just letting thought escape thourught writing

It's been a long week, with my sleep habits ranging from 0-14 hours each day, I can't seem to find a balance that is needed to just funtion, I walked into the wrong classroom without even knowing it, I'm spacing out at really bad moments, I lose my train of thought constantly, I feel lightheaded, almost, sick. It's just been such a long week. Mood swings, even weirder dreams, life just seems to flow by fast, It feels like I'm underwater agian (I'll explain someday) drowing alongside with him agian.... The life sucking out of your lungs, your only thought being on the oxygen just a few feet up.....the the.....that's what it feels like, that slowly, the oxygen is escaping my lungs, being replaced with water, going further and further, and further, from a little white circle, that circle....is hope...Am I losing hope?... Am I so worried about everyone else that I'm drowing myself? When I take time for myself I feel selfish, but when I do what I know is right I feel strecthed and beaten...like an old rug. I can't belive I'm still typing. I've been so tired....like I'm exasted, but I havn't even done anything strenous or painful. I feel worn out...lost in myself...even thought I never focus on myself... I try to figure it out... I relize that all this time...while trying to help my friends, that my physical, even my mental capabilites are practiclly gone, I feel like I'm on Auto Pilot...Just letting life pass me by, I mean It's almost my senior year...and I'm not even ready yet

If this continues, I'm going to lose myself....but everytime I've focused on myself, or tried to find a balance between the two..I lose myself anyways....It's so complicated, when it should be so simple...

Thank you for anyone who took the time to read this...It means something, even if it isn't alot.
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heartstrings · 04-24-2007, 02:31 AM

I think you should try to get yoru sleep schedule back and see if your dreams level out and then your days get better. lack of sleep or too much sleep can cause the whole underwater.. zoning out.. ish type of thing. just see if you can put things aside and decide on a set time to sleep. do this until you get back to a normal sleep schedule. because your sleep seems to be affecting your life and moods and makes you feel this way.

i know how you feel, i actually kind of liked it. but i made myself sleep more and it helped. feeling far away from myself is tolerable but not the best option. you shouldn't just let things float away. snap back, get some good sleep and try not to fluctuate. stay away from the computer, tv, phone, just shut your bedroom door and lay there even if you can't sleep. try to clear your mind before you sleep because worrying will keep you up.

My Dreams killed me · 04-24-2007, 04:51 PM

ok...well how do you "clear your mind" as I usually experince, whenever I'm just lying there doing nothing my mind just tends to wander anyways, and If I try to force myself to well "stop thinking" It keeps me awake because I'm excerting some form of effort. I mean without distractions I can't clear my mind, but distractions keep me awake...so what do I do then?

heartstrings · 04-24-2007, 11:13 PM

well let your mind wander, or see if you can try meditating. at least my wandering mind helps me sleep at least, as long as i'm not thinking hard about what my mind wanders to... if you catch my drift. if you don't try to do anything at all, eventually you can sleep. there are always different tactics you can take to make yourself sleepy, besides sleeping pills (which are wacko).

My Dreams killed me · 04-25-2007, 01:25 PM

ok...I'll try

Markme · 04-26-2007, 12:31 PM

hows everything going now mate?

My Dreams killed me · 04-26-2007, 01:51 PM

I'm pissed they just banned It seems they are banning exasco. well g2g

Markme · 04-26-2007, 01:59 PM

Who is banning Exasco?

My Dreams killed me · 05-05-2007, 06:05 AM

are school adminastrators, oh and as it seems I've turned into quite an asshole lately

Markme · 05-05-2007, 06:33 AM

Who rekons your turning into an asshole, if its a friend chances are they are jelous of something.

My Dreams killed me · 05-05-2007, 06:44 AM

no, it's more like there thinking my stubburness and my lack of speaking to everyone this past week, so they brand me asshole, truth be told, I'm just tired