I am

[Sick Sanity]

i am lonesome
cold rain pelts my face
harsh yet sweet
the dream covers my eyes
i have no site, just memory
your on my mind again
your sweet scent clings to me
your touch still echoing on me
surrounded by you
filled with you
tears streak my face
darkness hovers above me
i am lost
forgotten and alone
twisted into nothingness
there is no hope for us
we are broken, shattered apart
what happened to our dream?
where is our happily ever after?
pain, i am filled with pain
anger, i feel so much anger
my heart is damaged
you have broken me down
worn me out
you have filled my heart with sadness
i am sadness
a bruised and battered soul
a bleeding heart of misery
discovering the truth behing the lie
we are diseased creatures
wearing our hearts upon our sleeves
our anger just below the surface
we cry for no reason
we hurt all the time
we are forgotten, misplaced, abused
pretending to be okay again
i am nieve
forever the helpless romatic
thinking happiness is just around the bend
i don't understand flings, affairs
i believe in love wholeheartedly
life is seen through rose coloured glasses
and then came you
breaking me down slowly
trampling my heart under careless feet
you weren't oblivious to my pain
you revelled in hurting me
you laughed at my tears
i am heartless
numb after years of ridicule and abuse
what have i become?
who am i?
i do not recognize this bloodless person
the mirror reveals nothing
i can never be who i was
i can never reverse the damage you have done
could i ever love again?
nobody could ever love me now
nobody can touch me, hurt me
for i am not me
i am strange
a creature derived from misery
i can't let my walls down
i can't let anyone in
i can't trust anyone
never can i trust another man
i shy away from everyone
their touch burns my skin
their hugs confuse me
i don't deserve their kindness
but i can't handle their critizism
i am dead
deep inside my pain is raging
my tears fall down unseen, unnoticed
where is my true love?
i long to end this torture
to drive the knife into my soft flesh
to cut out my worthless heart
remove the problem i have become
i don't belong here anymore
there is no reason to continue
there is no hope for me
i am loneliness
silent tears of blood trickle down my arms
puddles of crimson at my feet
i am lost
memories haunt me
i can find no peace
i am sadness
why did i cut myself?
i don't want to die anymore
i am nieve
i can't stop the blood
i can't kill the pain
i am heartless
everyone will be better off
nobody will miss me
i am strange
my body isn't mine anymore
there isn't any love or hate left
i am dead