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| Poetry If this is your kinda thing then you can share your work here. |
06-13-2008, 10:33 PM
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#1 (permalink)
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Well Established Member Of This Awesome Society
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Bucks, England
Posts: 187
My Mood: 
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Erst
Oh-so-almost a sonnet, on first tastes.
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Dark pools of shining brightness,
His kiss as soft as roses
Touch, like one so young
On hallowed ground.
Holds me as I dream
Tighter when I fear.
He swallows, taking longing glances
Drinking in my looks
With steady hands he strokes my cheek
An angel’s touch.
Brushing at first, succumbing to his gentle caress
He holds me captive with his lips
Tasting him for the first time
Smooth like caramel, soft like summer grass
Dancing together as in duet.
The deed is done; it cannot be undone
And would be done over again exactly the same.
__________________
xx
all.this.time.you.were.pretending.so.much.for.my.h appy.ending.
eat well,
stay fit,
die anyway
</3
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06-14-2008, 12:41 PM
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#2 (permalink)
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Moderator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: England
Posts: 286
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I really like this, it works well. Kind of beautiful, but it's got that sort of subtle darkness in it too.
But, just to let you know, it's not really a sonnet at all (it is good, just not a sonnet!), sonnets have 14 lines with 10 syllabuls in each line, and must rhyme, with a very definate seperation between the first and last sections, with abab rhyme and then a rhyming couplet at the end, well, Shakespearean sonnets anyway, you could try a petrachan sonnet, but it still has to rhyme with a ababab scheme, and even more definate sections rather than a completly flowing 'thought poem' like this one, it has to be a definate structure.
To be honest, I preffer poems like this mostly than sonnets because I don't see the point in limiting ourself when we're expressing thoughts and experiances like this one to some stupid rhyme scheme and metre set down by some italian guy hundreds of years ago! I think free verse like some of the less structured TS Eliot or like, Beat poetry can be just as, if not more powerful than structured sonnets.
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RIP Seb
Away, He's gone away
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So, please, please, please, let me get what I want this time
Heroin, be the death of me,
Heroin, its my wife and its my life,
Then I'm better off dead.
And I guess I just don't know.
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06-15-2008, 12:47 AM
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#3 (permalink)
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Kitchen Bitch.
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Sunshine Coast, QLD, Australia
Posts: 1,266
My Mood: 
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Wow. From this i learnt two thigs, Isby knows how to write a poem, and sarah knows ALOT about poetry
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Love it isby
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__________________
"As long as you derive inner help and comfort from anything, keep it."
- Mahatma Gandhi
I AM MALE!
,-,-, ';,,;' ,-,-, HERMIT DE CRAB ,-,-, ';,,;' ,-,-,
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07-14-2008, 09:55 PM
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#4 (permalink)
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Nearly At The Next Title
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Oregon
Posts: 82
My Mood: 
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bitter sweet and beautiful... i love it
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"heres to all the soldiers who have ever died in vain, the insane locked up in themselves the homeless down on main. To those who stand on empty shores and spin against the wind, and to those who wait forever, for ships that won't come in"
"Ti amo, Jeg elsker deg, Je vous aime, Ik hou van jou, Amo-o, Miluji tě, Я люблю Вас, Le amo, Volim Te, Σε αγαπώ"
Ten ways to say: I LOVE YOU!
Pillz-e, Foamy and Johnny the Homicidal Maniac.... Gotta love em
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