Ptsd My Rants Are Over

[louvitti]

My RANTS ARE OVER
>



I was a HS music teacher for 30 years and suddenly on Nov 2, 2006 my entire world changed. While conducting on stage the stool broke and I fell 12' on my head. Luckily I have a hard head (maybe that’s why they say Italians are hard headed) and suffered no fractures. I kind of believe in guardian angels and my Uncle Luigi Vitti has always been in the forefront of my brain. He is always speaking to me. In NYC they are harassing senior teachers and for 2 years I was humiliated by a new 36 year old principal who never taught.
I had created the school and won many grants, close to $100,000.00. Suddenly, I was a bad teacher because I did not put enough stress on the kids. Think, in a band class, can you play with stress. However, this was this big shots new claim to fame. The new wave in NYC, micromanagement and teachers are factory workers. Senior teachers are on the highest pay so you can see why.
I feel my Uncle Louie took me down because my doctors were amazed that I had lived. I have some herniated discs in my neck and back, nerve denervation and there was nothing wrong with my brain on the MRI. I suffer some neurological issues like short-term memory, comprehension, and attention, response time, writing and spelling. All this in addition to head trauma and PTSD. I isolated myself from my family by doing something in the garage, suffered tremendous fear, anxiety and panic. All the symptoms of PTSD. If you want to learn more, the mayo clinic and WebMD are good sites and have good newsletters to receive that can match some of the issues on Exasco’s main page.
I am learning visually how to correct these problems. I think music has something to do with it. In fact my music became very strong and I am composing almost everyday and transformed from from a sax player to a piano player. My group THRUST is soon to release an album called Walking Dog. I am what you can say a jazz-fusion player.
> Well I'm out on disability and beat my principal. My lawyer and
psychologist said, “ You are making more money than working and forget about him. You're on top of the world.” But Head Trauma and PTSD brings many things on, like fear, anxiety, panic, anger, severe depression at times, just like I mentioned above, but I am alive and getting better through neuropsychological therapy, and
>physical therapy but my left side is still weaker than my right.
> This explains the anger I had at the beginning of my membership.
. I apologize but all that anger has dissolved through writing and playing into the past again into a gradual decrescendo. I wanted only to crate awareness for woman about this evil and speak out. All girls should speak out at their universities. It is not only the NY Philharmonic.
I feel great and fresh because a miracle happened last week that I feel could help everyone. For 25 years this issue was never resolved. I was at fault, blamed and took all the anger. I have been married for 29 years and why I think the divorce rate is 50% because there will always be problems in a marriage. If you jump the fence, problems don’t escape. You just get a new set of problems. There was never closure on this subject. It was the past and just forget, I was told.. Now the miracle.
A swarm of flying termites hit my house last week for 2 days. I have termite insurance and was not worried. You can also just scrape them off with your hands and they die. Please don’t be scared. They can’t hurt someone that is over a 100,000 times bigger than them. My wife panicked in anger and blamed me and said it was my fault because I had not fixed the gutter. I called up my company and they are coming this week. They said, just use a vacuum cleaner and they die right away until he comes if they should come back. I’m laid back, but I got angry and raised my voice. It took a long time to get over that NY Phil thing with my family doctor. I used his words that took me so long to learn. I said that I was sick and tired of always being the blame, being at fault and this was an issue that could have been discussed very simply and quietly. My wife then said that she was sorry that sometimes she gets angry with me. I told her still in a furious mood that YOU are responsible for what you do and if it occurs don’t displace your anger on someone else and say it was his or her fault.
What saves a marriage? It is very simple. It is called communication and closure. This was always hushed, a thing of the past and it never happened again. I could have jumped the fence 25 years ago but I didn’t. I loved her and I knew it was just these men that prey over girls. Some type of conquest feeling that I really don’t know unless I was 13 years old. I was always unusual and needed a relationship with a girl, not a one-night party. Now the closure. She said that she had made some bad decisions in her life and loved me. It was never made to hurt me or place the fault on me.
It’s not that I didn’t make any bad decisions in my life but this little 2-minute conversation closed the case. It went into a balloon and continued higher in the sky until it was gone from view. It was over. Gone! Relief! Trust! Love! You may have more__________,
___________, _____________.
That’s what PTSD did to me. Thanks to the Exasco community and a certain individual in the community my anger dissolved slowly, was gone and I could continue with life in a creative way through jazz and I didn’t have to teach anymore. I loved the kids always but times have changed. I learned from senior teachers about pensions, 403b accounts, mutual funds, investing, how to pace myself in school to have all the energy in class. Now they want stress and occupy your time all day. To sit and have coffee with a fellow teacher is frowned upon. Teachers don’t make any decisions for the school and they are in the trenches and know what is happening. No one speaks to anyone except professionally. Imagine just talking about your weekend at the beach. Fun is gone. When it is gone from the teachers, next in line are the students. Stress is more important than FUN. Fun creates your imagination.
I once met a former student of mine in the city. He knew my name but I didn’t even recognize him. Thirty years x 500 is difficult. He was a manager in the garment industry. He said he was trying to contact me because he said that I taught him what responsibility meant in life even though he goofed off in my class. He said that I never judged his behavior and was always there for him. Wow, this blew my mind. Yes, music teaches responsibility and many other things.
This is PTSD and my own personal account. The psychological aspects are worse than the physical ailments and they come back once in a while for a period of time.
I only want to say that my rants and vents are over. I came up with the tulips and have a very new life with a helpful and loving supportive family. I hope to be a creative force on EXASCO.

Thanks all,
Vitti

[CyberPhoenix Kay?]

Wow,....just wow.

Can easily see that ALOT of time and thought went into that...

and just wow...

all i can really say...

[nelvannya]

Awww Lou I am so glad that Exasco could help to empower you to take back your life. To get rid of (or reduce) your angry and regain your passion.

[stigma]

Lou, your story and life are amazing. I'm so glad that good things have came out of your experiences here. I hope many more have the same success as you!!