A letter from my Father. Help.

[sarah2]

This morning a letter came on the mat adressed to me. Which was weird because I never get letters and it's a Sunday, so there is no post!
Well, it was from my father. Evidently he'd delivered it by hand and it was really strange.
He wrote that my mother and him were splitting up! Not getting a divorce (she's Catholic - the worst Christian I have EVER met) but he's moving out and getting his own house and everything.
He also said I was welcome to move in with him. And then he made a few comments about my sponsers house which were pretty snobby, but well, whatever.

I'm so confused. Firstly, why are they breaking up? And why the hell is he telling me? They made it crystal clear last time I saw them that they wanted nothing to do with me and that they never wanted to see me again! So why he is inviting me to live with him is a complete mystery.
I don't know what to do. I don't even know how he knows where I live. Which scares me a lot actually, because I thought I was safe here. I thought they wouldn't be able to find me. But if he can, then my mother can, my cousin can, I don't like that thought.
And. I don't want to leave my sponser. I like living with her, but should I live with my parents?
How can I be sure he wont hurt me again? How can I know this isn't a trick?
Because that's the kind of man I know, the father I know would invite me round and beat me up or fuck with my head or get my mother to come round too, make it a family reunion, get my cousin down too, ignore abuse like they used to do. I dont know what to think.
I'm a mixture of great happiness and terror. He's never cared before. Why start now?
What do I do!

[Markme]

hmmm

im not sure of his intentions,
but maybe he has wanted to see you all along and your mum has played him like a puppet, forcing him to act different.

moving out would be entirely up to you, but if you want to feel safer or just stay with him because you miss your family. perhaps stay at his house 1 night a week or start seeing him one day a week.

He obviously cares if he would hand deliver a letter, most people wouldnt go to that much trouble of finding where you are and writing a letter if they were going to mess with your head.

i couldnt really advise you on how to act, but i say go with what you think; but be catious and let him know that your scared or nervous or how ever you are feeling.

Hopefully this can bring you together

[heartstrings]

maybe you should just visit him on weekends... compromise... that way it won't seem as bad if he ends up fucking things up again. have you talked to your sponsor about this?

[sarah2]

Thats true. I guess he wouldn't make the effort if he didn't care.

Yeah. I have talked to her about it. She's gonna contact him and come with me to meet him. And she says, as long as it's safe, I'm allowed to live where I want, I'm old enough to know that. But I don't think I'd move out. My sponser is the only person who have ever looked after me and kept me safe. The only person who's still around to care enough to do that. I wouldn't throw that away for the world, this is a my home now.
But I guess that dosn't mean I can't give it a go with my father?

I just don't know how to trust him after everything he's done.
I want him to have changed, I want my mother to have been controlling him, but the things he did to me don't change. One of my ribs is still sticking out! How can we EVER have a relationship after that, after he ignored my cousin and everything he did?
I just, don't know.
I'm also curious as to why they are breaking up.
I guess it's not like a normal family breaking up, because we're all kinda scattered around anyway, the family fell apart ages ago, so I'm not terribly upset by it. Just a bit weird I suppose.

[Markme]

Sarah,
you have shown that you know where you want to be and where you dont want to be in life, you've had alot more life experience than probably alot of the people i know.

I think in the end of this, you will know where you stand with your family and your father, You just have to think about it carefully.
Tell him exactly how you feel though, make it clear whether you do or dont want him in your life.

[sarah2]

Thats the problem. I don't know if I want him around or not.
I'm gonna give him a chance. Because he's giving me another chance, I did stuff wrong too, I used drugs in their house, I wasn't the perfect daughter.
But I'm not gonna stand for abuse anymore. I used to think I deserved it, but I am not that person anymore. If he thinks he can just be the same bastard as he was before, he could not be more wrong. I know he was wrong and nothing I did deserved rhe punishments he gave me. I'm not standing for it anylonger. I'm safe here and I'm cared about, I may not have a lot of things or money or my own, but I'm happy ans safe for the first time in my life. He will not take this away from me.
I've still locked the door with the bolt and the chain though. I'm giving him a chance, but I don't trust him one bit.
Im a bit scared.
Will post back with how all this goes. Am dubious myself.

[sarah2]

I spoke to him today on the phone. We are (him, me and my sponser - for safety and support I guess) are having dinner tommorrow night.
I'm really nervous.
He may come over all nice. But I have a feeling he is still nasty.
I'm kinda scared too which is stupid because he couldn't do anything in a restaurant.

[Markme]

i think you will be just fine
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.
if he made this much effort to find you, write a letter and invite you to live with him, he is probably a changed man.

goodluck with your dinner
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[OzzieJess]

i hope all went well. and did you think that maybe your parents are spilting cos of the guilt they both feel about what happened and how they handled it.

i hope it all went ok.

[sarah2]

It went ok actually.
It was kind of awkward, but he did say sorry, for everything that happened. He didn't blame anyone else, he said he regrets what he did. But I don't know wether he means it or not. Does he really think that or does he just want company? Now him and my mother have split up, I'm all he's got. I dont know.
It was strange, I told him whats been going on, that I'm clean and he was really happy, it was the first time he's ever really been proud of me. I don't blame him, I havn't done much for him to be proud of.
I sort of realised that although he made mistakes. So did I. I wasn't perfect either.

I'm going to meet him again soon for coffee and a chat.
He's finally almost admitted he's got s drinking problem, took him long enough.
I am worried that he may feel this way sober, but once he;s had a few drinks, it will all be the same.
But I guess I could help him. I've given up, I don't see why he can't. Then I could be proud of him.

Perhaps? That may be his side of it, but I doubt my mother is guilty. She's very different from him. I asked him why and he said because she didn't want him around anymore, she gets tired of people she can't use anymore. I hope he stood up to her for once in his life.

[*White Pearl*]

aww u poor poor baby, the path ahead is quite a weary one, u need to becareful what u choose. This is all out of the sudden, ? its curious actually. hmm. The question now is what do YOU want?

[sarah2]

Hm I'm not sure right now.
I've met him for coffee without my sponser a few times now, he seems different from the father I used to know.
But people don't just..change, I don't trust that he could have changed so radically.
He is a mess though. For my whole life, I can hardly remember seeing him out of a suit and not clean shaven! He looks weary and sort of.. on the edge.
I'm not really sure what to do?
Is it wrong that part of me kiiinda enjoys seeing him get a taste of his own medicine?

[*White Pearl*]

Originally Posted by sarah2
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Hm I'm not sure right now.
I've met him for coffee without my sponser a few times now, he seems different from the father I used to know.
But people don't just..change, I don't trust that he could have changed so radically.
He is a mess though. For my whole life, I can hardly remember seeing him out of a suit and not clean shaven! He looks weary and sort of.. on the edge.
I'm not really sure what to do?
Is it wrong that part of me kiiinda enjoys seeing him get a taste of his own medicine?

Your right about the fact that people dont change just suddenly, i mean if he was still with your mother he might go back to the way he was with you. I beleive your mother was quite an influence on the way how your fathar reacted with you.
However you asked whether it was wrong that part of your kind of enjoys seeing him getting a taste of his own medicine, well its not wrong but it must feel as if like your thinking "now you know how it feels" kind of situation, well i strongly believe that if someone has been nasty to another person it does come back to them,so he probably has been taught a lesson now.
Did you ask him why he and your mother split up?
how was he like ? has he been in touch since?

I advice you to just be careful.