I'm going home!

[sarah2]

But only to pick up a few things
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Tommorrow my loverly NA sponser is taking the liberty of driving me all the way back into the good ol' countryside to go play visit with my parents.
I've been once since I left home and it was horrible. I knew I wasn't wanted there, but I went anyway to pick up some bits and peices. I want to pick up the rest of my things (if they havn't thrown them all away, I think they may have) and leave for good.
Although, I know I can't live there anymore, it's my home and it's going to be pretty sad going there again I think. Seeing as the night I left home was the most terrifying night of my life, I'm hardly looking forward to it, but it must be done.

So, send me some patience and love for tommorrow because I am going to need all the tolerence I can muster to be around them again.

Wish me luck please!

[Markme]

goodluck sarah, hopefully your parents dont treat you like crap :(, its really sad that there is a family out there that will treat their own child this bad, my heart goes out to you for your trip.
Stay strong.

Hopefully your parents kept your remaining stuff.

[heartstrings]

luck to you, darl. stay strong.

[Confubbled..]

good luck huni,hope it goes well
let us know how you get on

*sends sarah patience love and luck*

xx

[wrlit_sists]

gooooood luck...i hope it's not too bad an experience

xxx

[Confubbled..]

well..how did it go?? xx

[sarah2]

Thank you for all the support everyone.
It was, interesting.
They were both in which is unusual, my dad goes off on buisness a lot.
Well I rang the door and my father answered, he just looked, well shocked. I said I was here to pick up some stuff and then leave again and I pushed in. They've changed the place quite a bit, but they love spending money on the house.
When my mother saw me, she practically froze. I think they thought I was dead or something! I asked them if they were going to say anything to their daughter, but my mother said, we don't have a daughter, and if we did, we would have NOTHING to say to her. Harsh! But that's like her.
I hate them! I remembered why I left just there and just went upstairs to my bedroom. It was horrible being there after everything that happened in that room. They've changed my room too, it's another guest room now. But some of my stuff was in the cupboard. It was really weird being in my room, newly painted, all changed around. I found my bass guitar, totally trashed, I suppose that was my father, the more violent of the pair downstairs, ignoring me. Most of my clothes were gone, but I found one or two clothes, took my bass and wondered around the house for a little while.
Once I was done, I went back downstairs and asked them why they'd got rid of all my stuff, my mother said that she didn't think I'd need it. I said, did you actually think I was going to die? And then she just said, We didn't care either way Sarah and that they made their feelings clear when I was living here and that they never want to see me ever again, that they don't want me near their home or them ever again. I asked why, and she said, that I should know why, because of what I did and the lies I told and the fact I was simply alive hurt her. What am I meant to say to that? I didn't DO anything, I didn't tell any lies and I can't help to be alive. Why do they do this?

I know why I left home, I know it wasn't perfect but, to hear that, from your parents? After everything, they can't even forgive me for what I didn't do!
My mother didn't even show any pain or remose in her eyes when I finally left. My father had fucked off to the bar, as usual. I went in there to say goodbye, my dad used to love me, I know that, he tried at least. But he didn't say a word the whole time I was there. Even when I said goodbye, he didn't say anything. He never even looked me in the eye.

I hate it there, all the memories of everything that went wrong there. They may have thrown away or trashed all of my things and wiped my blood of the walls (literally, my last night at home was not one of happiness) and pretended they didn't know what was going on upstairs for months, but that's my home, and it hurts to hate it. It hurts to hate my parents, for them to hate me that much.
I have scars from my last night at home. and I'm glad, because that means I will never forget what happened, I wont look back and think it was good. Because it wasn't, it was because of them, they didn't believe me, they did the worse thing they could ever do, wose than anything my cousin ever did.
But I still love them. It's mental I know!
But well. There was hardly anything to get, honestly, by the time I had left most of my clothes had been sold, my jewlerry pawned and my possetions either swapped or sold, it seemed like a good idea at the time, but I regret that now.
Goodbye home and parents. I guess this really IS it. It feels weird though.

[*White Pearl*]

sarah hun we are here for u babe, u got a better future ahead of u , u were never happy there and u will hurt more im sure u have a brighter future ahead of u and ive known u since i think rougly 3 years and 4 yrs roughly and i know ur a strong beautiful girl, keep ur head up high ur one of the people that i would always love to there for coz ur a fab friend and girl.
Im here for u if u need me give me a buzz via pm and if im able to ill give u my number and u can call me any time when u need help but only u coz ur great!
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hehe -hugsies-

[heartstrings]

oh, sarah. that sounds almost terrifying. i hope you take it okay, although I don't know how that could happen, i hope it does for you. i'm so sorry you had to go back there, it probably wasn't an especially fun experience (to put it lightly). well, that's basically the end of that, I guess...?

[sarah2]

Yeah, I suppose it is the end of that.
It's just like, they think I'm shit and I will always be, they're wrong, and I don't need them, I don't need my parents.
It's just that, well, it hurts to be 16 and NOT need you parents. I should need them.
But yeah. I take it ok, no worries, I got used to it, they've been worse than that, still hurts though.
Thanks for the support. I'll manage. I always do!

[Confubbled..]

that must have been terrible! *Huggles* but it's over now and if they're going to be like that you really are better off without them!here's to a brand new start and a new life!! good luck with it sarah! leave them behind you now with all the bad memories! and make more good ones!
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xx

[OzzieJess]

sarah i'll adopt you... thats so sad. well you have a family here. we are always here for you.

and remember everything that has happened in your life has made you who you are today. and you are the better person.
if i lived there i'd give them a mouth full. no parent has the right to say that to their children.

GRR makes me mad.

i hope that you are alright.

[Markme]

Sarah, your life has been hard and you are so young.
I think your mum may be making your dad ignore you, because by not looking some one in the eyes it shows that they are ashamed of them selves or afraid of something.

It sucks that you are 16 and do not have a family that will stand by you, but you have made it on your own, you have beaten the odds, given up your drugs and started a new life.
You have your scars of your last night to remind you that it was horrible, but thoughs scars will fade in time and your parents will be gone in time, because every day every one is slowly dying.

You are better off without people like that in your life, if your ever in australia theres always a spare room at my place for you.

[sarah2]

Heh, thanks, you guys can be a stand in family then.
I'm alright, no worries, seriously. It's just another something to get used to. Im getting a little sick of them to be perfectly honest, but, it's ok.

I hope my dad is ashamed of himself, he should be. I learned how not to behave from his example of violence and hatred towards me. Thats the only he ever taught me, I know he's not my biological father, but, I've kinda realised he had no right to hurt me like that.

Don't be mad! I mean, it's like you say, it's made the person I am today. It's also turned me into a lot of other things over the years, but, you know, you manage don't you!
Yeah I guess. I don't have too many bad feelings towards them, I know what they did is wrong now, and when they didn't beleive me and let all that fucked up shit happen with my cousin, they knew what he was doing, but they... it's all in the past and it's gone.

If I can ever afford to get to Austrailia, I will definatly take up on that!
I've found my sponser, who's like a best friend and a mother to me, she's shared her home with me and saved me in a million ways, I don't need abuse from my parents anymore. I'm so lucky to be away from them and in a home with someone who cares, I still can't believe it!
I'm ok. Just keep on smiling eh.
Thanks for the support everyone!