Other My world fell apart last night.

Anonymous · 06-28-2009, 04:50 AM

Ok, So I'm still trying to wrap my head around this. But need help. I can't put one and one together anymore.

A few months(April) back I got so drunk that the whole day is blacked out. I can't remember a thing. I remember starting drinking in the morning at around 10.30am but from then it just goes blank.

I woke up at around 3am the next morning on my mates couch alone and tired, so I drove home. My best mate msged me the next morning asking if i'd had a great night. To which I told him I can't remember and did I. Only to be told that I'd had sex with one of the guys. But I can't remember it. nor can I understand why. I never thought there was enough alcohol in the world to make that happen. That whole group of friends dropped me real fast after that. (expect my best mate) and I was ok with that. I needed to get away from them and the drugs anyway. (that's another story)

I saw them all last night. For the first time since the day after I can't remember. He walked right up to me and my friend. (he know's my mate they went to high school together.) I knew he was at the club I just figured he'd stay away from me. I wasn't ready for him to walk right up to us. Nor could I deal with it. I grabbed my drink and just walked off. I started to go into a panic attack. I could breathe I could speak I could do anything. And it all felt like it did was I was 17 and sexually abused. Then I spotted my best mate. I spoke to him and he said they were all there. Which freaked me out more. I just shut down. Scott(He kinda took me in as a little sister he was in his 30's and was married he was a friend of a friend) a guy I had only know for 5 hours had to hold me up. He had to stand there with me and tell me it was ok, He wanted to hit the guy, telling me that he took advantage of the situation and that it was wrong. The group were all on pills but they knew I was there. It really sent me into a panic.
I haven't felt this way in so long. and now I'm scared.
I got told I'll have to put up with the guy again next weekend at a friends dinner party.

I can't think straight, I can't breathe. I'm feeling so alone. No one gets it, I can't remember a whole day of my life. It's all just gone. :(

How do I get over this again? How do I feel save? I already have major trust issues. How do I deal with this? How can I not remember a day? the thing that get me is that I didn't even have a hang over. how is that possible? I drunk for 12 hours don't remember a whole day and didn't get a hang over?

Anonymous · 06-28-2009, 04:53 AM

Sorry I meant I couldn't breath, I couldn't speak, I couldn't do anything.

Cleverley · 06-30-2009, 06:36 AM

1. see your dr. because chances are it was unprotected (this is the most important first step)
2. drop off the map a bit. collect yourself and consider whether you might want to change the group of friends you have.
3. when you feel strong enough you should confront it...and then let it go...it will be a blip in your life if you ensure it never happens again. seriously though, should you really be drinking so heavily at 17 that you pass out and allow this to happen? of course weve all done it...but you grow up after things like this happen.

any problems, pm me...i wont disclose your username.

Anonymous · 07-01-2009, 03:58 AM

I'm not 17 anymore. I was in 2003.

It was protective sex. That I have found out.

I don't speak to that group anymore. They are not my friends and I don't care to go back to them.
I have a new friend who is 10 times the friend any of them have been.

I'll be ok.

I know drinking till you black out isn't good. Hell it's really back. I hardly do it. I know I drink too often. But I gave myself a rule a couple weeks ago, and so far I've kept it.

I've become a party girl... The drunk girl you see at the clubs/pubs, dancing with her friends and chatting to random people. By the end of the night I'm the girl who can't see straight anymore. but is sober enough to know she should go home with her friends and does.

Is that bad?

Markme · 07-01-2009, 10:22 AM

hello,
well perhaps you should look at it from a different angle, i mean yes you did have sex with some one and you cant remember it, but its no ones fault in the end.
also maybe look into the fact that you may indeed have a drinking problem if every time you go out to the clubs you get legless

Anonymous · 07-01-2009, 12:35 PM

I'm not sure I have a drinking problem. But maybe I do.

I drink to have fun. Not to get drunk. But I also drink to let myself just relax.

I just I guess I have alot to think about.

I'm 100% sure that sex was pretty much a joint effort. My best mate would kill him if it hadn't of been. It's just the whole not remembering.

It's ok. It's all going to be ok.

rez · 07-01-2009, 01:44 PM

You are right - its going to be ok. Just make sure that you learn from this experience and try to take actions that will help you avoid a similar circumstance in the future.
Not remembering stuff is scary - I'm missing a good few hours from 4 years ago. Not proud of it but luckily I was wish trusted friends and was properly chastised by them later.
Don't get me wrong - have fun! Just take care, ok?

nelvannya · 07-01-2009, 05:18 PM

Sweetie (this is coming from me so it's all love), but we have all done some stupid shit while drunk. We have all had a night of drinking where we wake up either outside in a half done tent and no idea how.
This sucks but like Mark said it's no ones fault. Again this does not negate the fact that it sucks, but those are the consequences you accept when you get waste.
Now this is kind of sucky so I agree with Clev take sometime off, be "cool with yourself" again and rethink drinking habits (so wasted you dont remember).
We all love you and you will be okay
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