Bf troubles

[Broken_mind]

Right this has been on my chest FOREVER so i need sumwhere to tell the WHOLE story from start to finish so sorry if this is a REALLY long thread.

• right well 1stly he is 22 i am 16
• He used to date my mate and he was cheating on her with me.
• we were seeing eachother for 5 months then he got a new gf and moved away from where i live
• we still txted all the time and near the end of that relationship he cheated again with me
• this went on for another 5 months
• we then started datin and have been datin for almost 5 months
• this means i have known him for almost 2 years now.

now in the relationship i found txts in his phone from 3 dif girls txting really dirty stuff but he swears on his mum's grave he has never cheated.

he is suffering from depression because of many reasons

• he cant let his mum go
• he just got arrested for dangerous driving and so has had to sell his car
• his dad hates that he is datin me
• his dad is gettin re married
• his brother is a tosser

this means however he is constantly depressed and thing is he is slightly self centred so constantly talks about himself and never even bothers to ask how i am even though he knows im upset too

i can no longer self harm because when i do he majorly guilts me
he can also never really be botherd to see me now he lost the car which gets me down cos we used to see each other all the time.

i kinda wana go on a break but i know if i do i'll loose him for good

[Confubbled..]

have you talked to him about how you're feeling?
no offence..but it doesn't sound like he's treating you the way you deserve to be treated.
he's obviously had a hard time but thats no reason for him not to care about how you feel.you should sit him down and tell him that if things don't change it can't go on.
you deserve much better hun.so don't let him get away with treating you like this.
do you trust him..because it doesn't sound like you do..and sorry to say it...but if it were me..i wouldn't trust him.
personally..i don't think you should carry on seeing him.but you need to think about this.
i'm here if you wanna chat
sorry if that was no help
x

[Markme]

To be 100% honest with you, this guy is using you by the sounds of it.
To me he seams to have all the characteristics of a manipulator and a compulsive liar.

He's up him self and depressed because he probably believes that no one is paying enough attention to him, so he craves attention from every person he can get it from.

You should probably tell him that you just want a break and dont let him suck you back into the relationship, no matter how hurt he acts to be.

hes 22 he needs to get a grip on life and get over himself.

sorry if my words are harsh, but thoughs types of people annoy me to death, they make every one else look like shit to make them selves look better.

[Broken_mind]

Originally Posted by Markme
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 1 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

He's up him self and depressed because he probably believes that no one is paying enough attention to him, so he craves attention from every person he can get it from.
.

that was his excuse for the txts i found and i believed it.

no i dont trust him for example just tonight he ditched me to see his ex girlfriend i think what u are both sayin is true and it hurts so much to admit. i think im gona end it i think its all there is left to do.

i have tried talkin to him and he says he will make it up to me but never does.

[Master_Ninja]

thats terrible, wat an odd kid.
i know a 14 year old chick thats goin out with a 22 year old
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 1 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


sad.

[Markme]

i hope you can be strong with this situation, its sad when the innocent person gets hurt more than the person that should have a guilty conscious

[Broken_mind]

he somehow managed to make me feel guilty like yesterday i self harmed again and i know im gona get such a HARD time when he finds out or sees it. thing is i just dont care

[xcrimsonxkissx]

Vik hunny, he's shit. Mark's right.

You need to get out of that relationship. It's good your not self harming anymore, but if your only doing it for him then you havnt battled self harm its just on hold again.

Seriousy think about yourself for once, finish with him and give yourself some time and space to sort your head out.

Where all here to help you hun. xxx

[Broken_mind]

i know but the thing is tho in that period that i wasnt with him i felt just as shit if not worse so i cant really win...thing is things are goin realy well tonight only bad thing is he got my hopes up that he would see me tonight n then just was like nah i cant be bothered. great eh.

[w0lv3n]

not meaning to ruin the parade, but although there are alot of tell tale signs apparent in the boys actions, doesnt mean we can all say that he is a complete dickhead and should have to get through his problems on his own... how many times have we been left in our own mayhem.

this is all my opinion obviously, but here goes.

1. Firstly, judging by your age this could be one of the first relationships youve had? whether it is or not it sounds to me like you are trapped. There is a viscious cycle with relationships which is somewhat like:
"he hurt me. we are on a break. i miss him. he said he loves me. i love him. we are back together."
No matter what he says - nothing at this point is your fault. So you cannot be guilty. It does sound like he is seeing other women and thus using you. Trust is a thing that is necessary for love. without it, it is simply a relationship, no matter how much you care about him, you cannot truly love him if you cannot trust him. Once again, this isnt your fault. It is his actions which have created the lack of trust.
If you have tried talking to him, and gotten no where, then i suggest you break of the relationship. He is obviously not such a good catch anyway. However, this will likely be hard for you. Because you still care for him, and you know he is lost. You want to be there for him, no matter the cost to you. You must now realise that it IS costing you, and this cost is not needed. Time apart does not necessarily mean forever, but will definitely give you both time to think.

2. The bloke in question is obviously under a bit of pressure.
- Mothers death? or parents breakup?
- Father remarrying
- Brother behaviour
- Dangerous driving
Ok, is it just me or is this a bit obivous...?

Seems that the family (regardless how together it was/wasnt) has fallen apart. Sons are lacking a father figure - someone to guide them. And now the boys are running amuck. To make matters worse, dad is remarrying - of course this is going to create some strife. Noone is a real mum except mum? The dangerous driving could be due to some depressing thoughts and he feels like being on the edge of life. The rush would be the same as self abuse - it lets you know you are still alive. In terms of the accused cheating? I'd say he is. Because, Yes he is craving attention. His brother wont give it to him, dad is busy with the new mrs and he has a whole world to talk to... Personally id say he'd be trying to sleep with whoever at the moment and that he wouldnt love you much unfortunately.

3. So in the end, im sorry if its no help but:
Stop the relationship. The break will offer you some time to think about it without bias. It will offer him the chance to have more freedom and go be an idiot - get it out of his system. It may take forever - but he will burn out, break down and realise what he has become. He does need help, real help. Its too hard for you to supply the support - because the relationship is too close. If you have mutual friends, you can try to keep tabs on him, maybe check up on him every now and then. Let his family / friends know that he needs help. Whether it be a phone call, a meeting or even a letter. Just remember that none of it is your fault, there is no reason to SI.

I hope i have been some help. im not taking his side - but everyone must remember he is human too, and no matter how much of a dick he may seem to be - he still has genuine issues and needs help. He is lost, lost in the mess of his family and his own needs/desires/memories and who knows what else...

Hold Fast

[Broken_mind]

thanks this is a really good response so thank you.

i know what i have to do the thing is i cant physically do it. its too difficult for me. No matter what happened i would never end it any other way than in person and when we are together i am happy and i couldnt do it to him and i couldnt hurt him like that

his words are that im all he has at the moment and he loves me more than i know or that he shows.

i am just not a strong enough person to end it

[w0lv3n]

if your not strong enough a person to end it, then you must be twice as strong now. Because you will now have to do the only other thing you can...
Be there for him - but help him. Try not to let it make you get down. You now have to be his shoulder to cry on. His pillar of strength. Help him. Talk with him more. If you dont get through, hit on a nerve... bring up one of the obivous issues - ie: his mother. if he has a go at you, remain calm and simply state that its easy to see, and that your there for him. Try to always remain calm when you talk with him, dont break down, or he will think you are just as weak as him and he wont let you help him. I cant think of much else at the moment. i have to go now, but ill check with you tomorrow...

Take care, just think it over. Its a lot of work. A great thing to do for someone you care about... just explain the trust issue with him aswell. Put him in your shoes, how would he feel?

Take care...

Hold Fast

[Broken_mind]

yeh im gona talk 2 him bout it all and i never thought hittin a nerve would work but i guess it would get him to open up and i dont care if he cries infront of me it doesnt make him less of a man to me x

[w0lv3n]

hehe, yeah, us boys cry lots too. But remember not to cry much yourself. It hurts to see people hurt, but alot of the time, they will close up if they think you cant help
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 1 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Good Luck!

[Broken_mind]

thanks i know i can only try and i dont think i'll cry i dont like to seem weak