Im confused *trigger*

[Broken_mind]

I used to self harm very regulary when i was suffering from depression but lately i have pulled through and i havent cut seriously for around 4 or 5 months and i dont plan on doing it any time soon.

Im just confused with myself because i miss having cuts down my arm, i miss being able to run my fingers over the raised lines. I miss the the monotonous job of having to clean and bandage them. I still have some scars but most have faded. I just miss them and i dont know why?

[OzzieJess]

Cos it's part of who you were... It's calms you to know that you always have it to fall back on...

well that's what it's like for me... I haven't cut myself in 3 years... and i still have the scars... they stand out... but they are who i am.. who i was...

maybe that's how you feel...

[Broken_mind]

yeh it is in a way cos they are 1 thing i can rely on. I was gonna get a tattoo
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because it would remind me of tear/blood drops that i have shed through my life

[OzzieJess]

go for it... lol.. i'm getting the words "Just Breathe" cos it reminds me of my whole life lol

[Broken_mind]

thats pretty smart. where would you get it?

[Shinzy]

i agree, because it was apart of who you were its just harder to forget. In time, you'll forget the lines and the feel of them and move on to better things in life.
As for the tattoo, All thumbs up!
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[Notebook]

I was gonna make a thread saying pretty much the same thing. I can totally relate to how you feel. I haven't cut in a while now and my scars are fading, and this really upsets me. I like being able to look down at my leg and see the cuts/scars. It makes me feel better or something, idk.
I decided the reason I feel sad at the thought of not having them anymore is because that would make me a "normal" person. I don't want to be like everyone else, lacking in the depth and feelings that I have had. Like, the thought of meeting someone with scars is kinda exciting, so its always a bit of a downer when no one else has them. I don't want to be one of those people who doesn't understand. If that makes sense.

[Broken_mind]

yeh being different is a gd thing because u feel that u have grown up and ur more mature as a result of what you have gone through

[rez]

Everything is a learning experience. Our thoughts and experiences mould us into the people we are.
I like the tat btw. I always wanted one, but could never decide on what I wanted.

[CJDude]

i miss my scars as well, they are part of me, who i am, who i was and who i will be. they mean some thing, i remember what i was thinking about when i did each of them, my self loathing anddispare at my world marked for ever on my body

[elmtree]

I personally see my scars as something that I shouldnt go back to. I have a huge, raised one on my arm where everyone can see and I can very rarely hide, and I hate sensing people seeing it. I don't want to be seen as a stereotypical self-harmer because I feel I never was one. No one knows why I did what I did or how awful I felt and so when they look at it they'll just see me as someone to avoid, or someone to not get to know. I understand why people would avoid me because of my scars.

My boyfriend however, is constantly running his fingers over it when we're in bed together and stuff and it comforts me that he accepts my past and who I was and who I am now because of it. He tells me he likes the feel of it. So when I'm around him I don't feel like I do around other people.

To be honest, I want my scar to fade so bad but it never will, its too big. I needed stitches for it really. It upsets me to know its going to be there all my life and I'm always gonna get people looking at me because of it. I would have liked to try modelling, and now I can't. Stuff like that upsets me.

So yeah, I feel very different to you. The thought of the scars stops me from self-harming.

I think that tattoo is a good idea as its something that connects you back to your self-harming past and how you're now past that stage. It will define who you were.

[Broken_mind]

i understand how u feel. i never had any scars that big and probably never will. 1 of my friends however does have a scar but thing is she never "self harmed" she just did it once for no reason and that really angers me!

[OzzieJess]

Originally Posted by elmtree
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I personally see my scars as something that I shouldnt go back to. I have a huge, raised one on my arm where everyone can see and I can very rarely hide, and I hate sensing people seeing it. I don't want to be seen as a stereotypical self-harmer because I feel I never was one. No one knows why I did what I did or how awful I felt and so when they look at it they'll just see me as someone to avoid, or someone to not get to know. I understand why people would avoid me because of my scars.

My boyfriend however, is constantly running his fingers over it when we're in bed together and stuff and it comforts me that he accepts my past and who I was and who I am now because of it. He tells me he likes the feel of it. So when I'm around him I don't feel like I do around other people.

To be honest, I want my scar to fade so bad but it never will, its too big. I needed stitches for it really. It upsets me to know its going to be there all my life and I'm always gonna get people looking at me because of it. I would have liked to try modelling, and now I can't. Stuff like that upsets me.

So yeah, I feel very different to you. The thought of the scars stops me from self-harming.

I think that tattoo is a good idea as its something that connects you back to your self-harming past and how you're now past that stage. It will define who you were.

this is rather how i feel about my scars... i hate that people see them....