Like i wanna die

*sweet-kisses* · 03-04-2008, 05:02 PM

So this totally sux. I'm now certain that Anita don't like me and that she just puts up with me. I'm so tired of being nice and doing things to help her out and then her makin me feel like I'm just the girlfriend she'd like to put on the mtv show 'parental control'....for those of you who live in a different universe, that's basically replacing me.

Ya know, it's not like my life isn't hard enough the way it is. I mean, being a single mother isn't exactly easy...yeah I put myself in that situation, but i only did it cuz I thought it would be a better life for Tucker and I...and so far, it has been. I mean, everyday I worry about if I'm going to be able to put diapers on him the next day or next week...if I'm going to have enough formula off of wic or if I have to pull money outta my ass to buy some...I worry about if he's gettin enough to eat and if he sleeps right...I worry about frikken everything! Yeah, she does what she can to help, but it's like she just cares about Tuck...which is fine, whatever...I just think the exact same thing that I think about my own mother, at least she cares about one of us.

It's like my feelings are hurt, I'm depressed, I just wanna cry. Sure, I betrayed Trent...but if she knew half of what he is like and half of what he does, she prolly wouldn't even consider him her son....I know if Tuck grew up and did half the shit Trent does, I'd turn my back...But damnit! Why can't she just realize that she hasn't been through half the shit I have...I mean, at least her parents stayed together, cared for her and her sisters....Still care for them...I sit and hope everyday that Nathan and I make it, otherwise I have no where to go...No one to depend on, and whats going to happen to tuck if that happens?

To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 1 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

nelvannya · 03-04-2008, 10:38 PM

Okay I don't mean to be absent minded but...
So are you back with you baby's father?
Who is Trent, who is Nathan?

*sweet-kisses* · 03-05-2008, 04:10 PM

No, I am not back with my babys father, whose name is Donavan....Although, unfortinatly, the two of us realized yesterday afternoon that what we shared for 4 years, 7 months ago, will never die and we will always have love for eachother.

Trent, ug....so Trent and Nathan are brothers. Both Anita and Harolds sons, or better known as Nana and Papa....I started dating Trent right after I left Donavan, but I had just met him. So in other words I didn't know either one of the boys. I dated Trent from August till like December/January....We ALWAYS fought, argued, every single day when he got off work, and if he didn't work...it was all day...

It finally got to the point where Trent thought doing Coke was more important than takin care of Tucker and I and that's when Nathan stepped in and started takin care of us....The outta no where, we just kinda started to get to know eachother and we had sparks, which later lit to the extreme....

We finally got together for our first actuall date on Feb. 2, 2008 and have been happy ever since. In the past 7-8 months of knowing eachother, we've never really had a fight, maybe a slight argument that one of us knew we was wrong and apologized right away...We just know we are the ones for eachother....

nelvannya · 03-15-2008, 06:25 AM

Oh damn girl you are in a world of mess...
I suggest that you lay off the men for a little while and focus on what is best for you and you son...
I understand that you want a father for your son and a man for yourself, but jumping from man to man, is not the best way of accomplishing either of these wants/goals...
I really suggest you just focusing on your son and you... with out a man in the picture

*sweet-kisses* · 03-15-2008, 11:07 PM

I appreciate you concern...

I would take your advice cuz I've thought of that before. But if I loose Nathan now, I loose him for good. His other 2 brothers are up and one of their girlfriends and the family has pretty much made it clear that I am not 'approved', besides Harold (papa)

If I left now, there would be NO getting him back & I can't risk that kinda pain again.

Nate and I have only actually be dating a lil over a month, but as close as we have gotten in the past 9, I gaurentee I would feel the pain for him that I felt after loosing Donavan after 4 years.

But it looks as though Nathan is going to be around for a while, if not for the rest of my time. As I have told you all before, he considers himself daddy and takes care of Tucker like a father would take care of his own son. And as of a few weeks ago, there has been talk of marriage and children....in the future of course...not right away!

It feels as though our love has a never ending bond, but even if it don't....I know we won't go out with a bang. We care for each other truly and that is not only words speaking...but actions too.

nelvannya · 03-16-2008, 01:13 AM

Sweetie I hope this works out, and if it doesnt I pray for a peace to settle in your house..
For some odd reason I worry about this situtation

*sweet-kisses* · 03-20-2008, 08:02 PM

Don't worry, I've been in WAY worse situations than this....