a year in the life of

[CJDude]

Ok i have had a pritty traumatic 12 months, just because i have never really aird this dirty linnin and pritty much all of it ways havely on my minde, im going to take you on a little jurny down memory laine, which by the way, is located on the cornder of shit street and fuck off bulivard.

Last July, i was relitively happy. I had a confermed summer job, working with special needs children and young people, it was going to be hard and challenging and tiering but grate. My freinds where all cool and i was getting ready to of to Uni - Good times!

so around the end of july i dilligently begin to work on my entry uni essay and go of to my job. about half way thru my job one of my frinds has a bit of a melt down. one day after getting home from work, it was about 5pm when i got in they called me and asked me if i could go down nd see them. i said no. I know that may seem harsh, but my logic and reasoning is solid,1)i had just gotten of work, after spending the day looking after 2 blind children, both very demanding in differant ways, which is cool, that was the job 2) it was after 5, i had just got home, needed a shower (after a nasty yaugut insident) and i just wanted some food and 3) i know my, then, freind, and their would have been no way i would have been able to leave her place at a resonable hour to go and rest up for work the next day. this was the beginning of the end of a 4 and a bit years of freindship - Bad Times -

Now i owd these freinds money, they called in the loan at a particularly inopertune time, the following week i would have been able to pay them no bother, but i also owd my grandmother money, i live with her, so i desided to pay her back insted, i was also saveing for uni.i went along to the appointed place, at the apointed time, again after work, again after being both physically and mentally exausted. my freind first tore into me for not haveing the money, then for not going on monday. they told me that i was fucking selfish and i should fuck my self. so i got pissed (i am the last person they have the right to call selfish)and i walked away, i needed to get a metro home and shower and eat, a girl was takeing me out that night, they followd me, one of them started behaveing aggressively so i simply walkd down the platform, her partner, some one i have known for damn near 20 years, came over to me telling me that im a shit freind and that if the other one comes over i had better hop over a wall because she was going to kill me! i simply got on the train and went home. before i even got home i had a teary voicemail telling my how sorry they both where and how much they love me and could i call them back when i got home, so i did and they said that they would come to mine the next day to talk. they came the next morning and asked me did i want to go work out, i was hung over, sevierly hung over and i was out at the beach with the girl that took me out (i will never be able to forget that)till about 4am, so i declind the offer of the work out thinking i might throw up, i said i would give them when i got back from the wrestling show i was going to that weekend.

we arranged for them to come to my house again the next friday morning to pick up the money i owe them and i get on with my week, which was to be the last week of the job some time towards the end of august. me and that girl had really hit it off, and since we had worked together i asked her if she would be my date for the staff party, it was a grate night and i asked her out again on the firday night so we could go some where privet and get to know each other a little bit, from then untill i went off to uni at the end of september we where pritty much inseperable (good times). we where out haveing a walk on satterday evening, im lucky, i live near the sea, best pulling tool their is, a walk along the summer beach, just around sun set
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.... sorry i digress so we are out walking and i gets this phone call telling me that these freinds now hated me and never wanted to see me again. fine i hung up the phone and went back to my date.

the time i spent with this girl was amazing, but we didnt make any thing official knowing that i was off to uni in a cople of months. Grate Times!

things went ok at first at uni, i loved it. made loads of good freinds and truly grew as a person. untill just before christmas.

I was at a conferance, not that it matters, but it kind of made things a little bit worse. i get a text from a different long time freind, who remaind freinds with the above witches. it was vile, truly vile, telling me how much of a shit person i am, how i shit my pants (not true) and how i have a small cock (not true) and how im a bare faced c*nt. this guy was my best freind in the world. i was crushed. because of that inncident i reached for my blades for the first time in nearly an entier year - shit times!

a cople of weeks later just before i was going home for the christmas brake, some time around 1130 i get a threatening phone call from some dude (i have since found out who that was and who put them up to it, wanna guess?)telling me how they know where i live, and proceded to quote my home address, except im not their, im in leicster at uni, this wanker basically threatend my grandparents. i couldnt belive it, i was scared and upset so i called the law, and nothing ever came of it.

the girl i had been dateing over the summer, and whenever i went home actually, found a bloke at christmas, and it crushed me. i was devistated, but im over it now.

so i go back off to uni for my second term and i just had a shit time. i wasnt getting the support i need for my dislexia and i became very depressed.i couldnt even afford to come home for easter. i went to a dr, got put on meds *again!*
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i desided that i should take an interuption, that means that i keep some credits for this year, but i will be restarting in september.

the meds made me worse, actually made me worse! they also made me angry. angry at my self, angry at my family, angry at my freinds and just generally fucked off with every one and every thing to the point i litterally screamed at my freind in the middle of the town centre, she got really upset, i got really upset, bad times. it got so bad that after one particularly bad night out, no idea why it was so bad, but it was, i went home and slashed my arm open with every knife that was out in the kitchen, frightening one of my flat mates. i needed patching up, the only person i knew had a first aid kit was the freind i reemed out earlyer in the week! how much of a twat did i feel?

things got a bit better from then, i looked for a job but couldnt find one, i came home for the year at the beginning of june, i got in touch with my long lost god mother and im going to visit her next week. i finally reached a level where i was able to call the freind that sent me the nasty texts, and low and behold, it wasnt him but the witches. wev been for a cople of drinks together and just today i helped move his new partners stuff in to his flat and we had a cople of bottles of wine and took in a carry on film - Camp Times! -

so thats a terbulant year in the life of your dear freind chris, questions? comments?

[Markme]

holy.. far out!
that is one hell of an UP and DOWN.
Im really really happy for you at the start where everything is going perfect
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, but it just makes you sad when you see life crapping on good people.
You TRUELY are a good person, you have always wanted to help thoughs in need and you deserve better shit than that happening.

Im glad to hear your still doing wrestling haha it always amuses me know that some one that helps people loves to body slam people aswwell!

i really hope that life picks up and that girl of yours realises whats she missing, because she is denying herself from a great man
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[CJDude]

lol she just moved in with her bloke, but im over it if things work out for us then that would be grate, but im not holding my breth, they are getting a puppy next week so...

yeah its been a shit year but well shit happens right?

thats the first time iv ever wrote all that down and i found it really theriputic

[Confubbled..]

what a year its been CJ! I can't believe it all happenedto such a good person! You didn't deserve that at all.
But it seems to have made you a little bit stronger?

I'm glad you wrote it all down and that it made you feel some bit better at least.

I hope you let us know how you get on with your gid mother. It's great that you have found her.

I also hope that things get better from here on in for you because you really do deserve to be happy!

<3

[CJDude]

thanks fubbley, i dont feel that much stronger, but i guess we have to wait and see

[Confubbled..]

If you can write all that down and come to terms with all thats happened..even if it still upsets you..that makes you strong in my eyes.

[CJDude]

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thanks..........

[Sick Sanity]

wow that is a lot to have happen cj.... hope things work out better for u...

[CJDude]

things havnt got worse, but they havent exactly got better

[Markme]

I may not be the oldest member of this forums or the best at giving advice, but from my experiences with life, right when you think life should be over and that there is nothing left, hope comes along and rides you right back up to that high and leaves you there.

Now depending on how you ride the high will depend on how long you stay there.
I'm happy all the time now and i have mega amounts of time to think about all the bad things if i wanted.

[OzzieJess]

*runs and jumps in CJ's arms again*

wow... I feel like a shit person right now. I should have been there for you. I'm glad things are getting better for you... and girls and be such little bitches. I'm glad that you have pulled yourself together, You have no idea how much i look up to you. You will always be my hero CJ, You helped me so much when i was at my worst. I just wish i could have been there for you.

On a side note like i said I'm hopfully heading to London(somewhere) at the end of next year. to work,live and travel. and i would love for you to show me around your city/town.

I'm really proud of you.

[sleepy_girl]

Fuck and I thought I had some shit friends, those "witches" took it too far. My first thought was that you should smack them in the face, but crap friends arent worth the time. I know its a shit saying but there really is plenty fish in the sea. You will find a better girl, it may not be any time soon but it will happen eventually. You just need to have patience n faith that someone up there will throw you a bone

[OzzieJess]

CJ, you should listen to Sleepy..
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She's right, you will find someone... someone who is so worth the tears and the hurt that they wont her you.

as my a character in my fave show says
"You know that romantic notion that all the garbage and the pain is actually really healing and beautiful and sort of poetic? It’s not. It’s just garbage and it’s pain. You know what’s better? Love. The day that you start thinking that love is overrated is the day that you’re wrong. The only thing wrong with love and faith and belief is not having it."

[CJDude]

Originally Posted by OzzieJess
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wow... I feel like a shit person right now. I should have been there for you.

I'm goiong to say this once Jess so listen really closely YOU ARE NOT A SHIT PERSON! got it? good!

The reason i didnt tell any one about what was going on was because i didnt know who i could trust. one of the "witches" invaded SO and where printing off the things i was saying and telling people. If that wasnt bad enuff, they where adding their own spin to it as well shit they even told mark that i said that he should be sectiond, which was actually some one else in the thread that i posted askeing for advice on the situation. shit they may even be on hear, wouldnt put it past them.

Thanks Sleepy, i know their is some where out their for me, the troble is out their is a long ways a way, and im not getting any younger. (i know that sounds weard) so any one wanting to throw me a bone, im wide open!

[OzzieJess]

People like that are well so bad i can't think of the right words to call them.

Im just glad that it's starting to look better... well it was.. i'l look at your other post...
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