Action against HIV/AIDS

sarah2 · 06-03-2008, 10:24 PM

Ok, here goes.
I have recently been diagnosed with HIV and after weeks of just trying to ignore it, I finally plucked up the courage to go back to talk to the doctor about getting treatment and actually giving life a go instead of fucking up.
I don't want sympathy, that won't change anything. I just want to try and build up some courage with this. Today I told my sponser (Narcotics Anonymous sponser, I live with her) about it and we both cried, but it was a big deal for me and I want to stop feeling ashamed and just deal with it rather than pretending I'm fine because if I just keep pretending, I'll end up dead so much earlier than I should. The lifestyle I lead is simply not compatible with being HIV positive, I need to start looking after myself and I'm gonna need some serious help!
I also want to start talking about it, not just my experiance of it, but what other people think about it, I want to know what YOU think, like;
How you feel towards people who are HIV positive, because honestly, I'm shit scared about telling people, like how they would react.
How much you actually know about HIV/AIDS? Because anything you want to know, I am SO the person to ask!
How we can start preventing people from getting it? Like, help kids who are in the postition I was in before I got it.

So, erm, I'll keep you posted, I'm gonna get clean, I'm actually gonna fucking do it this time, I have to, I don't want to end up in my mid 20's with a high fever, dying in some shit hole because I couldn't quit skag, I wont have the long life I could have had. But, damn it, I don't want to spend the little life I might have like this, it's fucking hell, even if my substances will soon be a cocktail of pills with lovely side effects I'm told!
Wish me luck!
Thanks for reading, I sort of wanted to practise online with you guys before telling people face to face, you know?

CyberPhoenix Kay? · 06-03-2008, 11:02 PM

Ahh Sarah, :( Reading this in a way makes me want to shead a tear, but it also makes me extreamly proud... i am very glad you are going to stop pretending and fight this, i am also very glad that you are going to fight your addiction, i'm sure that you can battle both...

I wish you the very best of luck and i am as much behind you as anyone can be.

Markme · 06-04-2008, 06:41 AM

You make me proud sarah, your courage should be recognised by all, as this is a super hard thing to confront
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and you make it seam easy.

Also just as abit of info..
There is a steroid called Deca-Durabolin...
its commonly used by the bodybuilding community.... illegaly.
But as a HIV patient they prescribe it sometimes, it increases your amune system immensely!
it will help you rehabilitate your muscles... which apparently also is a factor to slowly down aids.
And having body fat is something you need aswell..
but im sure you knew that one..

so ask your doctor about it yea?
or you might have to get it underground, because i read that they are thinking of stopping making it.. or limmiting production

sarah2 · 06-05-2008, 10:43 PM

Yeah, I'll think about that Mark.
Thank you! I'm gonna give it a go and I'm gonna try and not expect too much from myself, before I expected to get clean really easily and then just have this perfect life, but I know it's not gonna be like that.
I'm so scared about telling people about it, I feel like people are going to think so much less of me?
And with like..telling previous sexual partners, it is such a nightmare, how can I go about saying that?!

Markme · 06-06-2008, 01:56 AM

Im almost certain they will give it to you any way.
in like 100mg/ml injections per week.

Yea it would be a hard thing to tell people, but i think if the people truely care about you they should accept it in a welcoming way.
And with your previous sex partners... some of them have been pricks to you?
so perhaps you should just tell the nice ones, if there is any.

sarah2 · 06-06-2008, 02:46 PM

Heh, well as you know Mark, most of my previous sexual partners didn't leave contact details and if they're gonna pay for sex, well, they should know the dangers shouldn't they? I still feel guilty, but it was probly one of them who gave it to me anyway, so...not that guilty!
And the amount of people I've shared needles with over the past year, I mean, should I tell all of them too?
And well, the guys I do have contact details for, well, to be honest I rarely have unprotected sex purely for pleasure (when you do a job like that, well, to be honest you get a bit disgusted by the whole thing) so it's not too much of a worry except for a few slightly too close, too vindictive sexual abusers who I need to inform which will probly be the hardest people to tell, and yeah, they've been pricks! But they still deserve to know. Don't they?

Markme · 06-08-2008, 12:16 AM

i think that the abusive people deserve what they got...
but you should probably tell the people you shared needles with, so that they dont spread if further if they have it.

i think that life does mysterious things for a good reason.
And i believe that even though this is something terrible that has happened to you, i think that is has also saved you from yourself in a certain perspective.

i hope everything goes well with telling people..
but if you feel/know your going to endanger yourself by telling people, i wouldnt.

sarah2 · 06-08-2008, 09:37 PM

I've just got home from my time in hospital, been there since Saturday morning. I'm on Methadone now and I'm cutting down the heroin and taking more methadone to make my addiction more stable, so I can start meds for HIV and address all the addiction stuff. The people were nice at the hospital, I feel pretty shit at the moment, but the methadone has definatly taken away a lot of the harsh withdrawl in cutting down so dramiatically.
I shall keep you updated, wish me luck, hopefully in the next couple days I will shoot up my last ever heroin!

CyberPhoenix Kay? · 06-08-2008, 11:55 PM

Good luck Sarah
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You seem to be handling this ALOT better than i know i would..

and yeah, you should probably tell all the people you shared needles with, just incase.

Once again, goodluck, we are all So behind you on this one.