i dont have a title for how i feel

[Markme]

i feel numb,
reality... is just so distant right now
i dont even have a reaction for it other than.. "oh......."

my grandpa passed away on wednesday morning..
i guess it selfish to say that i wish he was still here... because he would be suffering, but death is the end of it, there is no more visiting, i cant come see him on the weekend to see how he is,...
*bursts into tears*
its hard to lose some one when you have so very little people to lose.
every other time i have had a death in the family, it didnt mean anything because nothing really died in my heart, but on wednesday that little piece of my grandpa... was lost.
I just cant describe how destroyed i feel... how lost and how dead i am.

i havnt told any one else...
no one, because speaking the words makes it real.
he is really gone and i still love him so much.
i wish i was such a horrible person to him... that i could have been better.

Im happy i got a sort of goodbye.
i got to see him on the sunday... i think it was just his time to go.. he was fully conscious, trying to get out of bed to walk around on the friday and on sunday he was unconscious.
Except at the very end when i said to him "goodbye grandpa, i hope to see you again" and he opened his eyes and stair straight at me and then watched me walk of the room... i wish i could have stayed there forever and kept stairing back at hime, but i couldnt.

Atleast i got to say goodbye, i just wish i could have told him how much i loved him...

the funeral is on monday, not sure how im going to cope

[CyberPhoenix Kay?]

Death is always a sad time...And numb is a good way to describe it, a kind of feeling of shock...

I am very sorry of your loss, i met him once and he was a nice guy.

You have spoken well of him and showed a great deal of love for him, which i'm sure he shared with you.

Monday gives you a bit of time to grieve, funerals are very hard though...Best thing is just let it out, give a good cry, show him that he cared...and say good bye.

Once i am very sorry.
May he rest in peace.

[sarah2]

Monday gives you the chance to tell him how much you cared about him.
I'm so sorry Mark, but it will get easier. It can take a long time, but the pain will get better and you will find acceptance and peace for your grandpa.
It didn't sound like you were horrible to him, when you talked about him it sounded like you were one of the people who really cared about him the most, don't look back now, just remember the good times you did have together. Nothing lasts forever, it's really hard when you are left behind, but soon you will be able to think about your grandpa and smile rather than cry.
Stay strong.

[stigma]

I'm sorry to hear that, death is a very tough thing to deal with.

Can't really imagine the pain of losing a family member. But I'm sure that he knows how much you loved him, even if you didn't say it I'm sure he knew.

[nelvannya]

Hey Mark I am really sorry to hear this. I have no words for you, because I cant understand your particular lose. But I promise you that this numb feeling will pass to. I hope you feel better, or at least find hope..