Growing up.

[CyberPhoenix Kay?]

I find myself at the moment, in a happy yet sad mood...

Why? Because i have only just fully really realised that gravity of what is happening too me... I am growing up..

The strangest thing about growing up is that we are so excited to grow up and be older.... yet when we get there, we just want to go back..
When we are little, we are kids playing with little kids toys, And then when we grow up, we are adults who want to play with little kid toys.

I spent my life as a child trying to imagine what it would be like to be growing up, and adult...And i could never come close to imagining myself as an adult...And now here i am, and nothing has changed, i can still not even come close to picturing myself...

I am 18 years of age, there is nothing i cannot legally do at this age, if i commit a crime, i am tried as an adult, i can drink, i can party, i can do whatever i want and the responsibilities and consequences come straight back to me..

This in a way is great, makes me want to stretch my arms out and yell to the world "FREEDOM!!!"...somthing i could never have has a kid... yet in a way it is sad, as there was nothing better than crawling into mum or dads arms knowing that NOTHING, no matter how big, or scarey, could harm me...

What makes this truely scary is that none of it is reverseable...When you are growing up, you know you are growing up, but once you are there, you can never go back... the world just doesn't let you...

however, will all the responsibilties and meaning behind turning 18, this is not what sent me down the deep path of thought...No, it was many things...The way my parents now talk to me as if i am an adult, when deep down i just want to be a son, the way other parents, or adults, talk to me as though i am one of them, The way look at kids playing and being so carefree and knowing that cannot really be like that ever again... also there is the fact that i have just graduated from high school...the one thing that has been constant all my life, a structure to follow, to model myself around, is one, and i am now out in the world without structure, i have support, but no structure... i could go on for years, with the amount of things that are making me feel old.. in a way everything does, because i see things, everyday things, and i compare them with the way i would see them when i was a child...and it is so different...my cousins are all growing up, my friends are all growig up, i know that if i go to germany now it will be so very different than it was when i was little..but i REALLY don't want it to be...i just want to go back...


I know that i just have to get used to it really...to face up to it...and grow up. because mentally, i know i am not grown up because ultimatly we never really grow up..Growing up is a process of getting bigger and better and erasing our flaws and learning from out mistakes, yet we will ALWAYS have flaws and wel ALL make mistakes somtimes...So we will never really truely grow up.. And if this is so, will this feelig ever leave me? this joy mixed with sadness? This strange emotional mind set that is known as Growing up? If i am always growing up, will i be stuck with it forever???


I know this is not really advice, or usefull to anyone, nor is it a problem that i need help with... it's just somthing i have been thinking about and somthing that i needed to express... I would love to read anyone elses thoughts on this, so please respond on what you think on the process of growing up...Sorry for making this so long.

[Anonymous]

I 100% agree...
I think it was about a week ago, I came to this conclusion (while looking at bills) this was life from now on. And as exciting as being my own person, making my own choices, that the only descisons that could affect me were mine (to an extend, but you understand), I was so thrilled...
I looked back down at the bill, and I didnt know what the hell to do. I dont know how to do this, Im not ready to do this, I dont understand what this says, what I am supposed to do about this. And I realized while it is a necessity, growing up, is glamorized... I couldnt just hand that bill to my mom and say "what do I do now"
I am expected to do this day in and day out, on my own.
There is a sense of "woo hoo", but once that is yelled it is back to life, and it feels as if you have lost something... something that, like you said, freedom.
All you life you are prepared for life outside the playground, and when you think about it, all your life youve had adults tell you, life isnt easy you need to prepare for it. Its not like being a child. And when you are a child you are convienced that being an adult is like being a child, just with more previliges. When in reality you loose more to gain less... I will never be able to tell my boss "umh can we have a snow day", or ask when "recess" is....
Growing up is something no one is prepared for, no one can prepare you for and more importantly no one knows how to. All any one knows is it mean you are not a child, a blessing and a curse.
Im miss running up the slide.

[Markme]

Originally Posted by Anonymous
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I 100% agree...
I think it was about a week ago, I came to this conclusion (while looking at bills) this was life from now on. And as exciting as being my own person, making my own choices, that the only descisons that could affect me were mine (to an extend, but you understand), I was so thrilled.......................................... ................ SHORTENED

I also agreee with Cyberphoenix.
For the last few months i have realised the major part of my life has begun and theres little to nothing i can do to stop me growing older.

But i dont agree with anon that you cannot prepare for it.
Life is relatively easy to live, i mean yes there is the ups and downs, the bill, the tradgedies and much more.. but if you look back at your childhood there is all these things.

Ultimately things are going to change and there is nothing any of us can do about it, except for accept and embrace the change.
Although i am severely going to miss my childhood, my senesless laughing and childish behaviours... growing up and being with my friends, having my teenage girlfriends, the way i can always sit there and say "i am happy with this" And the friends that i have made, the people ive met.

I am nothing without all the people and the influences, but at this age its about time to let go, grow up and start learning a whole new chapter about life.
Every day is a lesson, you just have to learn it.

[forget_me_not]

I know I'm not old enough to really have my opinion count in this thread but I think growing up is a state of mind. You look at 8 year olds that have had to grow up so fast just so they can care for their mum or dad who can't care for themselves. And sometimes it's the other way around. You get 30 year olds that still act like they're in year 11 and won't grow up, no matter what anyone tells them to.

I don't believe that you have to be mature JUST because you've "come of age", so to speak. Live life how YOU want to, not how everyone else wants you to. You want to play with kids' toys? So play with kids' toys. Come son, you're the guy that showed his legs to everyone and POLE DANCED. Who's to say that has to stop?

I live by the simple rule of "Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is circumstantial."

And I probably always will.

[Markme]

haha i quite like your saying and i tottally agree, you dont have to grow up if you dont want.

Its just the fact that every one wants to grow up so fast and once they realise it aint that great, they are like "oh no, i want to be little again".

I want to grow up, i dont want to go back to my child hood, as it was never that great.

[CyberPhoenix Kay?]

I disagree with that, I suppose if you really didn't want to grow up you couldn't but some situations it's either grow up or die.

For example, if you have no house, and no job and no life, and you are used to being looked after all your life, you need to grow up, or you will stay that way...

You can't be a goofball with everyone that you meet, if you are going for a job interview you can't just be all kiddy, you have to be mature and adult or you pretty much won't get it.

I had a great child hood, i loved every minute of it, and i wouldn't change that, not in anyway, yet i still feel a sadness...i don't neccessarily want to go back to my child hood, but i want to stay where i am, with little responsibility...

Sure, i can always be immature around friends and a goofball and such, but i simply CANNOT approach life in the way that a child does, it is not possible.

[!-nessica-!]

i guess you have to grow up in some ways, but not necessarily in others.
but then again, imagine how many less experiences you'd have if you never grew up, if you stayed at the one spot.
if you always stayed a child, you'd never experience all the things like traveling, not going to school, having a career that you enjoy, making a huge difference in the world.
now im not saying you cant make a difference as a child, but people rarely take you seriously.

theres advantages and disadvantages to growing up. but i think that we wouldnt enjoy it if we were a child forever, so the advantages of growing up outweigh the disadvantages.

we have our time as a child, and we can only do our best to enjoy it, along with every other stage of our life.

[Markme]

I think growing up is a blessing, because that way we have more power in the world, as you mentioned while your a child people find it hard to take your seriously.
The older you get, the better your pay rate is.

And theres various benefits that come from growing up.
The main one is the capacity to think in a productive way, make better outcomes and be able to plan for the future.

[CyberPhoenix Kay?]

Aye, growing up is definetly a blessing, but knowing that doesn't take away the want, or desire to be young again, i know that if i did become young again i'd want to be old again, i guess in a way it comes down to the truth that we want what we don't have...

When we are a little kid we seem to see only the advantages of growing up and the disadvantages of being little...and as we grow older for some of this tends to switch the other way around...This at least is the case for me.

[Markme]

Originally Posted by CyberPhoenix Kay?
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Aye, growing up is definetly a blessing, but knowing that doesn't take away the want, or desire to be young again, i know that if i did become young again i'd want to be old again, i guess in a way it comes down to the truth that we want what we don't have...

When we are a little kid we seem to see only the advantages of growing up and the disadvantages of being little...and as we grow older for some of this tends to switch the other way around...This at least is the case for me.

I can tottally agree with you on that, every one always wants what they cant/dont have.
But then again, i like the idea of moving... to a certain extent, i like the fact that im going to grow up further, start a career and learn alot of lessons along the way.
I didnt enjoy my child hood at all, it was hell; so i cant really say that i miss anything from it, not even the friends.

as ive said many times, life is like a straight pathway with millions of little pathways that lead off the main one, alot of them reconnect back onto the main path, but at the same time precious time. Other pathways are dead end, what ever u walked off to see has either killed you, or done something to keep you from progressing your life.

At the end of the pathway is your goals that you have always wanted to achieve.
Alot of people zig-zag their way to the end, most people dont ever make it and some never bother to start. Stay on the path and you will make it where ever you want, you just have to jump the hurdles and knock down a few walls to get there.

Success is what you put in and what your willing to give up to get a result, your cant grow up wanting to be a child forever, otherwise your still going to be stuck in this mindset and most probably never really attain real goals.

Aim for the impossible and you will achieve the improbable.

[nelvannya]

I dont believe that anyone should choose to not grow up...
See I believe in cycles... I believe there is a season for all things... And I believe all seasons are nessacary and need to be completed.

I think that one must grow up in order to live life... without becoming mature and an "adult" you do not witness the full seasons of life, thus you do not truely live.
Now I dont believe there is a certain age, like a magic number, its like sex or dating when it is right it is right... but I do believe it must be done

When I became a man I put away childish thing....
I feel that everyone should do this at some point in there life...

OH and just because one is grown up does not mean one does not have fun... to be truely mature you must know when
being on time, responsible, and essentially an "adult" is the thing to be doing
but also when
one needs to let loose and unwind

sorry there was a string of thoughts there

[Tommeh!!!]

hehe i was thinking about this the other day, it was a bit of an 'oh shit!' thought cause im in a lot of debt...and christmas is currently stressing me out and i was just thinking how i do need to be a bit more responsible and stop this living for the moment stuff.

..but at the same time i dont wanna lose my childish attitude, cause i dont wanna die inside.
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actually, im gonna go out and try find another job today i think
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woO!

[Lanolin]

cool.

that seems like a good plan

i dont want to grow old. I want to stay exactly as i am but i guess thats impossible.


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