Divorce?

[nelvannya]

Okay I have a question, well more of a debate question.
What do you believe divorce will affect in the lives of our youth?
Do you think that it was a matter of time before marriage became this way, that its not important, or what do you think divorce is doing and will do to the young people of today?

[Markme]

personally...
i dont see the point of marriage at all any more.
mainly because the guy loses all the stuff hes worked hard for and also its something like 3/4 of people get devorced these days..(not trying to be sexist, just how i see it)
im a man of odds and statistics and 1/4 chance of staying with some one doesnt sound like its worth it for me at all.

[rez]

I'm only ever going to marry if I'm 100% sure!!!!

I wish my parents would get a divorse because I find their relationship is damaging to my sister and I. He is emotionally abusive and she does nothing. I grew up thinking that was acceptable, when it is far from it!

[sarah2]

I agree with Rez, sometimes it's best if people divorce, I'm really glad my parents are divorced, because although my mother is a bitch, no one deserves my father as a husband, or anywhere near them. I don't think they ever loved each other though.
I think a lot of people have been effected by divorce, so many parents get divorced these days, but sometimes it's just what's best.
I think seeing so many people getting divorced makes at least me more warey about marriage, I certainly wouldn't enter into it untill I was older and was completley sure.
A lot of people have completly lost faith in marriage, the stats are very dissheartening.

[Almost-Insane]

getting a divorce can cause a lot of psychological damage, especially to youngsters who dont understand as all they really know is that one of the parents (not intention of sexism but like mark says its usually the guy who loses) has disappeared and only occasionally turns up. i understand what mark is saying that a lot of the time theres no point and that it can cause a lot more pain than the alternative but at the same time i think as with everyone, when you fall in love with someone to the point of wanting marriage you wont really care about statistics and will just wanna walk down the isle.

[OzzieJess]

My parents spilt when i was 16.
It was for the best I am so glad they did. However, my dad got the house, and almost everything in it. and after a yr of me living with my mum, my dad got me too. lol

For me, It changed me so much. The yr before my parents spilt my first boyfriends parents spilt and they moved in with us. (that was a messy spilt.) and once they moved out my mum's other friend spilt. So the matter of a yr i went through 3 spilts. and it was tough. I stopped believing people could stay together forever. And I stopped trusting people. Believing that they would only leave me. It was really tough on me alot more then I ever let show. I have huge trust issues, I have trouble letting ppl in. And I keep alot to myself.
I was close to getting married myself. (as you all know)

But I really want to be that 1 in four couples that last forever. I want to find that love that overcomes everything.

the problem is i want to get married, I want the big wedding. I want the white dress, I want the honeymoon. I want the marriage that last forever. for the rest of my forever.

[louvitti]

I have been married 28 years as there were many ups and downs. I think nelvannya you know what they were. I used to hang with an art teacher in school who I know loved me but for some reason I remained faithful. I almost jumped the fence because I grew up with loving parents and that had a tremendous affect on my learning and growth.We started(the art teacher) growing apart because she wanted me to come over her house and call each other on the phone. My wife knew her and this was, well you know. When I said I couldn't, she fell away from me since she wanted a commitment and I could not.
Divorce leaves a child with either no mother or father to model their future life plus loneliness. Kids have either no relationship with a mother and misses these needs. Then, a kid loses what he needs from a father relationship.
I taught school for 30 years and had many one parent kids. HS kids today have young parents and they go out to party to meet someone. Once again, loneliness and no one to speak to about what a kid needs for parents.
When I taught in the ghetto, one kid in my class had to stay out every night until 4AM because his mother made money as a prostitute in his apartment. This kid performed poorly in school and acted out. Low self esteem, anger, depression all result.
NY's schools are falling apart because of the magnitude of one parent homes is killing the system. There is no respect for teachers and they disobey the rules and get away with it.
The next step, many of these kids turn to drugs to feel happy such as crack(in the ghetto, the most). E!, cocaine, mushrooms and maryjane which would be the drug that would do any help. Many end up in the streets because of being addicted to crack and the girls do tricks whenever more crack is needed for their boyfriends.
Going back to the Declaration of Indepence and our Founding Fathers, we have lost a sense of morality in the US.
I worked it out because you don't escape the problems of one girl, you just inherit the problems of others. You have to work it out and be willing to forgive.

[sarah2]

I agree with a lot of what you are saying louvitti, but I don't think that can all be attributed to divorce. Factors like where they grow up, parenting, teenage parents...etc all come in to account here. And just because people split up, it dosn't mean a child 'loses' a parent, a lot of parents come to mature agreements about custody and there are a lot of children who are badly behaved and stay out till 4am who have parents who are together. It's the parents relationship with their children that change the child rather than the relationship of the parents (though that can effect the relationship with the child).
You can't just blame drug abuse and bad behaviour on divorce, real life just dosn't work like that. I know I'd still have gone the same wau wether my parents were together or divorced, and it would have probly been worse if they hadn't divorced, I think it saved my sister from a life like mine.
Also factors like the society we live in, the media and tons of other stuff contributes to the things you are talking about.

[Markme]

in a way i do agree with all the points you made Lou, but on the other hand i can disagree...
my mums boyfriend was abusive physically and emotionally to me from the age of 8 years old onwards..
my parents had never lived together and it seamed like they were devorced the whole time.
My parents would yell and scream and push and punch each other infront of me and id just sit there and watch.
ive had hundreds of oppurtunities to get into any drugs i want, i can get any drug i want for free as i know some very big dealers and im very good friends with them.

but, im independant, id like to think that people think im nice and a caring person and all the good stuff, im not violent... except for the one exception of a man called hugh...
which i sincerely hopes he has a heart attack and drops dead.

and thats where i agree with you sarah... parents dont turn kids to drugs, devorce just makes everyone angry, unless one of the partners were abusive, like in sarahs case.
people do what they want, give them freedom.. they will take over what they can.

[nelvannya]

Okay what I am asking is not divorce for the good, unless you believe most of divorces are for the good, but the impact that divorce as a whole has done to society (s)

[Markme]

ermmm i dont think individuals devorces would impact at all on society...
your original post refered to the youths of today.

i think the impact on children is how ever they take it..
it their parents are emotional and raise them that way, they will take it emotionally to heart.
if their parents showed no remorse and no anger.. the child will do the same.

ofcourse there is exceptions.
when my parents split... i was a angry child...
but i dont blame that on the split, more that my mum was a horrid parent and neglected me and took all her issues out on me.

[rez]

There are two main arguments relating to divorce's impact on society:

Negative:
It was resulted in "disposable" marriage. A life-long commitment does not mean life-long anymore. This can be expanded to reflect a generation's preconception that they do not need to commit to anything, knowing they have the option to get out of what ever they want. And so the question is, has we as a society become a group of carefree commitment phobes with little to no ties?

Positive:
In a lot of ways, society has benefited from divorce by “loosening the shackles” of the institution of marriage. This benefits spouses (of either gender) as a fact is life is that things change. People evolve and circumstances take dramatic turns. Sometimes the best thing for all of the people involved is to acknowledge the situation and ‘call it a day’.
Before divorce, society encouraged people to stay in such situations no matter what. In this way, divorce has had a dramatic effect on society and I think for the better.

[elmtree]

I think many couples who divorce really wanted the marriage at the time, but things just went wrong - they either changed or there were events that complicated things (certain aspects of modern day society make marriages very hard to sustain...) or they grew intolerable of each other. It just happens I guess.

I was talking to my Nanna and Grampy about this yesterday, they got married when my Grampy was 17 and my Nanna was 19 and they are now into their 60s and are still happily together.
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. They believe that couples just do not put the effort into making a marriage better and are a lot more intolerable and "give in" too easily, so that's a point. Considering how long they've been married I think they would know pretty well!

If people are unhappy then they should divorce in the end, if they have kids and they are unhappy the kids will notice this and it will effect them. They should try stuff like marriage counselling and trying to work through things first though I believe. If nothing does it then divorce is the option to take.

My parent's divorce was very messy, and it really effected me and still does to this day. I was nine at the time and my brother was only four. I'm the not person I would have been if it hadn't had happened. I try my hardest not let it get the best of me though. However I think it's for the best that my parents divorced for a variety of reasons.

Nathan's parents aren't married, they've been engaged since before he was born, he's 16 now, and just haven't got round to it. It would be his Mum's second marriage but it just isn't important to them, they are happy and committed to each other and do everything like a married couple so.
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EDIT: We discuss divorce in Sociology by the way and my teacher explains it is 4/10 marriages end in divorce worldwide. Of course it's very different in different countries because of law and culture etc. In Britain I've heard it's like 1/3 of marriages end in divorce and I've also heard 1/2.
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[nelvannya]

Basically I am doing an Original Oratory on Divorce... and I want opinons on what you think it does..
I am trying to accumlate quotes, from real people to mention in the oratory (I will not mention names)
Btw thankyou Rez.

[rez]

Originally Posted by nelvannya
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Btw thankyou Rez.

You are more than welcome.

Here is another quote (summerises my wordy answer above):

Societal values seemed to emphasis marriage as a constitution, steadfast and a firm contract of which the involving parties were obligated to see it through to the end.
There has since been a shift of public perspective that has seen greater value placed on the individuals’ need evolve from past circumstances. This has both positive and negative connotations in that while supporting and nurturing the wellbeing of the individual, the question is raised regarding possible degradation of cohesion and stability in respect to the family unit (feuding parties etc).