Dragging on

I just feel like complaining.
This is so fucking shit. I rememeber when life was fun! Only vaugley though. fucking hell. I can't see anything. I'm not this, this is not who I am.
I really have fucked up. I've been avoiding paying money, I'm all bruised all over my arms and face and chest. I can't actuallly go on like this.
Life is dragging on. I need it to end one way or another. I actually can't do this. Bollocks.
How did it get this bad? I just spend all this money, I can't stand to go back to my fathers, I can't live there, it's awful, it's so terrible, I just refuse. But the money, it's disgusting, I have no back bone, I have no principles, I will put up with all that, ah all that fucking shit because he gives me money. I'm starting to think it's even worse than whoring myself out, which in itself is degrading and horrible, but at least it's not my fucking father. Why is this so fucked up?
I can't stop using, I need to shoot up, I want that feeling every second, every day.
I don't know what to fucking do.
I'm flushing myself down the drain.