Another
Posted 12-28-2007 at 01:08 AM by sarah2
blog I know. But life is boring when I'm sober, so I'll be posting a lot I suppose.
Sigh.
My sponser hates me. I'm such an idiot.
I can't live here, but she wont kick me out. Although she did last time, she was angry and this calm disaproval is actually worse.
At least when she kicked me out I could hate her for it.
But now she's being nice. It's the, I'm not angry, I'm upset.
And I love my sponser, so I hate to upset her.
But heroin just matters more.
Arn't I disgusting? How can it matter more than the woman who got me clean and saved my life when I layed bleeding in a phone box, who actually gave me the strength to live after I left home, if it weren't for her I would still be on the streets and most likely dead. So HOW HOW HOW can I not care enough?
AHHH. I'm so angry at me. But then again. I just don't care.
This happens and I'm scared now. Because I've always put myself in positions so I don't have someone to care about so I can do what I want and take what I want.
With Seb it was easier, he was fucked too. But my sponser is the only person who have ever cared and it clean.
How can she be so strong?
She's insited I don't take it in the house. But I already have. I feel guilty...but not...that guilty.
Sigh.
My sponser hates me. I'm such an idiot.
I can't live here, but she wont kick me out. Although she did last time, she was angry and this calm disaproval is actually worse.
At least when she kicked me out I could hate her for it.
But now she's being nice. It's the, I'm not angry, I'm upset.
And I love my sponser, so I hate to upset her.
But heroin just matters more.
Arn't I disgusting? How can it matter more than the woman who got me clean and saved my life when I layed bleeding in a phone box, who actually gave me the strength to live after I left home, if it weren't for her I would still be on the streets and most likely dead. So HOW HOW HOW can I not care enough?
AHHH. I'm so angry at me. But then again. I just don't care.
This happens and I'm scared now. Because I've always put myself in positions so I don't have someone to care about so I can do what I want and take what I want.
With Seb it was easier, he was fucked too. But my sponser is the only person who have ever cared and it clean.
How can she be so strong?
She's insited I don't take it in the house. But I already have. I feel guilty...but not...that guilty.
Total Comments 1
Comments
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Do you feel heroine gives you a connection to seb, as you lost him this way?
I dont think drugs are bad, because you can enjoy drugs and not get extremely messed up if you know what your doing. But the addiction is killer, you always want more, you need it, you spend all your money and you destroy your connections with family members and loved ones. if you want to break addiction, you have to do it young, otherwise it will be impossible later on in life. but you HAVE to want to give it up and not just do it because you should. |
Posted 12-28-2007 at 11:45 AM by Markme
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