http://www.exasco.info/forum/blog.php The Exasco Community! where the lost souls go. Exasco Help forums is back, you can talk about anything on your mind. We support freedom of speach! en Mon, 13 Oct 2008 20:19:53 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.exasco.info/forum/images/sleekpassion/misc/rss.jpg http://www.exasco.info/forum/blog.php http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/ozziejess/116-now-you-tell-me.html Wed, 08 Oct 2008 04:04:20 GMT Meh, Ingore my last post... It meant nothing...

expect i have the words "Just Breathe" tattooed on my right wrist now. :)


I'm pretty much ova males again.

I have given myself a huge rule, I will not date/sleep with anyone i'm working with. It's too hard. Plus up here it's like Big brother. Everyone knows everything you do. ]]> OzzieJess http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/ozziejess/116-now-you-tell-me.html http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/ozziejess/115-take-me-floor.html Thu, 25 Sep 2008 01:32:43 GMT I HAVE A BOYFRIEND..... lol kinda.. Well we'll just work on it i guess...

breathe jess. just breathe... :D I'm happy... cos i was happier... I was happy single and i'm happy not lol ]]> OzzieJess http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/ozziejess/115-take-me-floor.html http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/pillz-e/114-down-my-soul-where-i-hardly-ever-go-i-had-nailed-your-head-post.html Tue, 23 Sep 2008 05:35:25 GMT hate when girls push you away
its so cold; its scary.

I was convinced I would grow old with her and she pulled that rug right from under me with out a bat of an eye.

thing that kills me is that everything could be fine if i hadn't dillydallied.
couple minutes posted me a lifetime.


thought that she was my soul mate, that our relationship would put us above all this mundane bullshit of life. that we couldn't end like any other relationship iv seen around me. reality hits you so hard when you least expect it. this really is the thing that drives men mad.

actually started thinking about cutting again. she was my only reason why i stopped really. ha cant believe im writing this. idk whats gonna happen tonight or tomorrow. shes not talking to me and i feel like a wreck, its pathetic how much i rely on her but i was so certain that things would work out and that the future seemed so sure. and i have no clue what lies ahead of me.

nothing in life has even come close to how i feel when im with her. every definition of true love and soul mate I thought we fufilled. we're high school sweet hearts and as naive and patheitic as it may sound i thought it would work out.
shes perfect

went to a concert on Friday and I talked with my favorite musician who told me I would marry the worlds most beautiful woman. told him i already had that taken care of. and he said hang on to that.
cant figure out how i got from that to where I am now. everything was fine a moment ago.
i feel so empty.

have to take chances so you know the love will never stop. feel like im going on and on and never seem to stop.

why is everything so much more difficult when i'm at school? its supposed to be easier.

think im gonna drop my 8 am class
cant deal that early ]]> PILLZ-E http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/pillz-e/114-down-my-soul-where-i-hardly-ever-go-i-had-nailed-your-head-post.html http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/ozziejess/113-i-wanna-kiss-you-but-if-i-do-then-i-might-miss-you.html Sat, 20 Sep 2008 06:13:11 GMT So if no one noticed almost all my titles are actually lyrics from songs that i have in my head.

today it's Love Game by Lady Gaga.

And it's so true. I want to kiss him. but im sure i'll miss him. and i can't miss him lol... so i wont kiss him :D

meh. I just wanna have some fun. I wanna hug someone and kiss someone :S i want human contact. ]]> OzzieJess http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/ozziejess/113-i-wanna-kiss-you-but-if-i-do-then-i-might-miss-you.html http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/rez/112-drowning.html Thu, 18 Sep 2008 17:05:16 GMT Right now I feel like I'm drowning. Life have been hectic and some things I'm normally on top have have been getting me down.
I'm not despairing but I'm so tired of everything.

I want to curl up in a little ball and sulk about my silly little life. ]]> rez http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/rez/112-drowning.html http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/ozziejess/111-war-what-good.html Fri, 12 Sep 2008 01:49:37 GMT So, I had a post about bring back the troops. and to say RIP to the people who have lost there life's.
I want to say Thank You to all the men and women serving.

But I want the war to be over. I want our troops sent home.
I live in a city that is based around a Navy base. My dad was navy, all my family friends dad's were Navy. One of my best friends and close enough to be sisters (S. sister) is in the navy. People I have partied with and hang out with are in the navy.
My dad works at the navy base as a firefighter.

If we go to War they will call him back and they will call back nearly all of the father figures I have. My brother is thinking of joining.

So before you think that War is good. Think bout how you'd feel if your dad was sent or your brother, or both, if everyone you knew had a loved one there. How would you feel then?

How would you feel if i said, If we go to war. I will be signing up to the navy to protect my country. Because as much as i hate war, I will not wait around here for news of my loved ones being killed. I will be standing right next to them. ]]> OzzieJess http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/ozziejess/111-war-what-good.html http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/ozziejess/110-cant-wake-up.html Wed, 10 Sep 2008 02:38:35 GMT I feel rather mehish today. I'm home. which I'm glad about, and the weather is just the way I like it. It's raining.

But i still feel Mehish. I'm scared and I'm over it.

I'm lying to myself about how I feel. bout how I'm dealing with a few things. I'm just lying to myself... :( ]]> OzzieJess http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/ozziejess/110-cant-wake-up.html http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/ozziejess/109-if-ive-learnt-anything.html Fri, 05 Sep 2008 03:06:28 GMT So, I'm letting go of the old and welcoming the new. The past is the past, it's done it's happened, I can't change it now. It's over.

Goodbye past. ]]> OzzieJess http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/ozziejess/109-if-ive-learnt-anything.html http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/ozziejess/107-damaged-goods.html Tue, 02 Sep 2008 07:29:07 GMT It's just one of those weeks so far.

I feel so low, everything is piling up on me. I miss my friends. Who I really want to be there to help right now. And I'm here working. My Gran is sick, and I'm worried bout her. And I'm here working.

I'm feeling so tired, so run down, a bit alone. but nothing will every change that.

So I'm pushing myself to go out again tonight... not drinking... no... just out for dinner... cos i don't want to be alone. I just don't want to be alone. ]]> OzzieJess http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/ozziejess/107-damaged-goods.html http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/rez/106-blog-aimed-cjdude-aka-how-sga-better-than-sg1.html Mon, 01 Sep 2008 12:56:16 GMT Cj,
The argument concerning which is better, SG1 or SGA cannot be won as appeal depends on perception. However, I shall attempt to outline the reason why I believe the Stargate Atlantis team is better than that of SG1 or Stargate SG1. Such reasons include:
-General “feel” / Atmosphere – the more sinister feel of Atlantis is much more exciting than the candycane playground of the SGC. Haha.
-Characters Sheppard vs O'Neill (better hair), Sheppard vs Daniel (Sheppard is prettier) , McKay vs Carter (Carter sucks ass – I’m NOT a carter fan, se is too much of a Mary Sue character), McKay vs Daniel (Mckay is a more believable geek), Teyla vs Carter (Teyla is WAY hotter), Teyla vs Teal'c (Tough one, I love Teal’c), Ronon vs Teal'c (better hair)
-Better Bad guys (Wraith vs Gould – the Marilyn Manson vampires of the galaxy vs slugs – COME ON!!!!)
-Storylines – SG1 got repetitive… I mean, how may time can Daniel die?

This is just a prelim arguement. ]]> rez http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/rez/106-blog-aimed-cjdude-aka-how-sga-better-than-sg1.html http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/ozziejess/104-drunken-lullabies.html Fri, 29 Aug 2008 05:37:35 GMT lol... so i might be coming into a problem. I'm drinking again tonight. and again tomorrow night. I'm sure i'll be drinking again every weekend. and i could blame it on everyone at work cos i will be drinking with them. but meh. it's fun


So i got drunk on Tuesday night. I'll be drunk tonight and tomorrow night i'll probably be more then drunk lol. ]]> OzzieJess http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/ozziejess/104-drunken-lullabies.html http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/ozziejess/103-never-leave-my-heart-open.html Thu, 28 Aug 2008 01:00:33 GMT So a few posts back i mentioned Eli. And that i liked him. Well i'm not sure that i do. I'm confusing myself.

I think the only reason i like him is cos i know i cant have him. I always did like a challenge.

I really am just happy being single. I am learning alot about myself. Like I can do anything i want. That it's ok to be loud and annoying, it's ok to be me. I don't have to be as grown up as i've been pretending. I'm learning I dont need anyone. I can do this all by myself. I can survive I will survive.

But for now, I just want to live. ]]> OzzieJess http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/ozziejess/103-never-leave-my-heart-open.html http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/ozziejess/102-i-pack-my-bag.html Thu, 28 Aug 2008 00:29:46 GMT I'm feeling all over the place right now. I'm trying so hard to keep it to myself. I smile at the right times, laugh at the right times but i just feel strange. I'm tired. I'm over alot of things that i've been trying to control. And i'm learning there isn't much i can control. Which i think is way Im controlling what i eat so much. Since Monday i've been so bad. I've stopped eatting Breakfast and dinner, and the most i normally eat is fruit. which is better then nothing i guess... I just want some control on my life. and the thing is i know it's bad for me. I know that not eatting 3 meals a day is the worst thing for my body. but yet i can't bring myself to eat.
I need to get into a routine I need to make myself get up and have breakfast, i need to make myself have dinner with the guys.

but meh, i just need to have some control on something. ]]> OzzieJess http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/ozziejess/102-i-pack-my-bag.html http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/ozziejess/101-kindly-unspoken.html Wed, 27 Aug 2008 06:17:07 GMT Well... here we go again. I'm so close to the edge, and i'm just standing here in the safe zone. but i dont want to be safe anymore. I'm going to jump. I've decided jump with both feet.. I'm not going to close my eyes, i'm not going to hide from this.

I've booked my next holidays. when i get home on the 9th i'll be booking the flight tickets to Brisbane and figure out how to get to the Gold Coast to where i'm staying.

I'm not looking back anymore. I'm living for today not yesterday and not tomorrow. Im not going to over think things. i'm just going to do them. ]]> OzzieJess http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/ozziejess/101-kindly-unspoken.html http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/ozziejess/100-its-cold.html Fri, 22 Aug 2008 16:25:14 GMT I'm in a good mood.... I've decided to just let myself fall for Eli... i don't care... if i just admit that i like him i'll get over him... BUT I LIKE ELI..... i'm over caring too much bout it... i mean he is the most amazing guy i think i've ever met. He's the sweetest, and kindest by far... and it confuses me that i like him... and not just like him, i mean i get butterflies. i smile like a stupid idoit when he's around, i can't catch my breath, and my heart starts beating way too fast. I've been trying to tell myself for the last month that i don't like him, and that i'm being stupid... but well it's not working.. so i've decided to admit to myself that i like him. ohh well...

lol... ]]> OzzieJess http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/ozziejess/100-its-cold.html http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/amaya_rose/99-all-alone.html Wed, 20 Aug 2008 10:55:28 GMT At home all alone, not sure if much else for me to do or say so i am just going to sulk here on line.... Meow cry meow At home all alone, not sure if much else for me to do or say so i am just going to sulk here on line....

Meow cry meow ]]> Amaya_Rose http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/amaya_rose/99-all-alone.html http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/ozziejess/98-aching.html Tue, 19 Aug 2008 08:25:41 GMT what am I doing??? I'm so tired, i'm feeling like crap. i have a stupid ear and throat infection... and i'm just so over today... :(

GGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRR i'm over this all...... ]]> OzzieJess http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/ozziejess/98-aching.html http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/ozziejess/97-still-breathing.html Mon, 18 Aug 2008 08:53:34 GMT so this is me... this is who i want to be right now...

Strong... strong enough that you wont see me cry... that doesn't mean i don't cry... it simply means i wont cry in front of you. in front of anyone. I wont allow myself to seem weak. i can get through life... i am strong.

Scared... scared of being me. scared of being alive. scared of living. scared of letting anyone in. scared of getting hurt again. Because the people who said i'll never hurt you, are the ones who have hurt me the most. the people i have let in close enough to see me have left and in that leaving have left holes in my heart and holes.

Alive... cos i wont be dead anymore. i wont give up. i wont let myself give up.

Me... i am me... nothing less nothing more... i will not be anything but this. ]]> OzzieJess http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/ozziejess/97-still-breathing.html http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/ozziejess/96-just-breathe.html Sun, 17 Aug 2008 12:31:45 GMT I'm feeling... well i feel like i have so many paths in front of me.. and i have to choose which one to take... I can move to Melbourne next yr with a best friend... i can stay up north and work and save and go to Europe.. which is what i think i'll do...

I want to write my book... and i think i'm going start writing my book again.

I have so much going on in my head... and it's confusing the crap outta me.. but i'm happily confused lol...

yeah ok so that it at the moment.. ]]> OzzieJess http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/ozziejess/96-just-breathe.html http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/sarah2/95-lonely.html Sun, 10 Aug 2008 22:37:27 GMT All I feel at the moment is complete and utter loneliness. I feel heart broken again and now I'm not even sure why. Perhaps it was seeing my father again, perhaps it's just life.
I want someone to hold me close and tell me everything is going to be ok, but I can't trust anyone.
Seb left such a deep mark on my heart that there is a huge part of me that feels like I can't be in that position with another person again, because it hurt so much when he died, it still eats away at me, how much I loved him, how he was going to be ok, we could have done this together, I thought the worst day of our lives was when he got diagnosed, but now I know how he must have felt, I think we could have got through it together.
I know it's only been a few years, I need time and maturity, but, how can I ever feel so strongly again? How can I trust myself like that?
But I'm so very very lonely. ]]> sarah2 http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/sarah2/95-lonely.html http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/amaya_rose/94-news-flash.html Sat, 09 Aug 2008 02:32:36 GMT Hi all long time no see been busy hoping to be back now!!! Hi all

long time no see been busy hoping to be back now!!! ]]> Amaya_Rose http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/amaya_rose/94-news-flash.html http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/nelvannya/93-hmm.html Thu, 07 Aug 2008 04:47:46 GMT So it has been a while since I blogged. So it has been a while since I blogged. ]]> nelvannya http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/nelvannya/93-hmm.html http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/ozziejess/92-19-07-08.html Sat, 19 Jul 2008 01:01:19 GMT I don't know how i'm feeling at the moment. I'm just living moment by moment. Getting through the day is my goal. I wont allow myself to fall apart. I wont allow myself to stop long enough to fall apart. Which is why i love my job, i work 11 hours a day 13 days a fortnight. I don't have much time to think about myself often, and i'm hardly ever alone. And at the moment that's working for me. If i let myself fall apart now.... well.... I just don't have 3 years to put myself back together. I'm not a kid anymore. I have to work, and live.

I know i had to take holidays so that's the other thing I did to myself. I just booked tickets to Melb, I thought about it for a few days and just did it. I want to see the world, and the worlds not coming to me so i have to get off my ass and go. I'm not going to put off my life anymore. ]]> OzzieJess http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/ozziejess/92-19-07-08.html http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/youkillmewell/91-feel-heartbroken-3.html Fri, 18 Jul 2008 09:59:48 GMT Not literally.
Dont worry. It's a little pathetic really. But take it how you will.
I just had the most amazing week of my life. Slept round my Adams house everyday since Monday and now i won't stay round again until next saturday.
We've only been together 3 and a half months but in that 3 and half months there hasnt been a day we havent seen each other.
Which is new to me.
lol.
Anyway.
Sorry for blabbing!
Tar For Reading
x x x ]]> YouKillMeWell http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/youkillmewell/91-feel-heartbroken-3.html http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/shinzy/90-two-days-go.html Wed, 09 Jul 2008 07:35:23 GMT Gah, Turkey in two days. I wouldn't mind so much, well hell of a lot if Nathan was coming :( I know, i know, its only a holiday but it's the first time we've been away from each other in 8 months.. He went to visit his mum in Andorra for a week but that was way back when we met and he rang me every night.. when i go i wont be able to keep in contact with him =[ sucks so much. I cant even look at him without nearly crying. We've just had our 8 months and by the time i get back it'll be our 9th! *sighs* I know im acting like a four year old... just miss him thats all :( ]]> Shinzy http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/shinzy/90-two-days-go.html http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/sarah2/89-ahhhhhhhhhhh-fuck.html Mon, 09 Jun 2008 21:53:57 GMT I want to die, end of, hate this.
Methadone is shit, I need MORE than they are giving me, I'm going fucking mad, I need MOREEE.
Fucks sake. I just want to go out, and score and get fucked. Can't fucking deal with this. Ah fucks sake, fuck fuck fuck fuck.
Is this worth it? I don't want to be on fucking methadone for the next few months, fuck that! Heroin, methadone, they\re basically the same right? Why didn't they just give me fucking heroin instead right?
Jesus Christ, this is not as easy as I thought it would be, 'cutting down'? Cutting down my fucking arse, like NONE, I TOLD them how much I usually did, they havn't given me ENOUGH! They hate me, they want to fucking kill me with this piece of shit methadone.
Seriously, I hate this, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it./ ]]> sarah2 http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/sarah2/89-ahhhhhhhhhhh-fuck.html http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/sarah2/88-stupid.html Sat, 31 May 2008 22:45:00 GMT I feel really stupid tonight, just like I havn't got a mind, all cloudy and confused, but kind of peaceful and gently fucked, it's not bad!
I'm just thinking, just sort of, worrying. I'm scared, I am so afraid, I feel like there is something eating me away from inside and there sort of is isnt there? I feel like I'm completly ignoring this huge part of me that should be there, like saying 'look after yourself', like I don't have that part of me anymore. I am scared to die, but not, not scared enough. I want to be really terrified of pain and whats gonna happen if I don't do something and go see the doctors and really get control of this thing controlling me, but I'm not scared enough to give up all the shit I have to. It's not a case of, I don't know what to do, it's like, I know exactly what I have to do, but I can't be bothered! I can't be fucking bothered to save myself.
I will proberbly get very very ill if I don't, but I just can't be fucked! I need motivation, I need to care again, about someone, about something, about me, I want to care about something other than getting fucked to ignore the fear and then perhaps I'll get the hospital in time, because I leave this, I'm fucked. Why can't I realise, like, really realise it? Why can't I care? ]]> sarah2 http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/sarah2/88-stupid.html http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/sarah2/84-wishing.html Sun, 04 May 2008 00:21:18 GMT Fuck, I really wish I could just talk shit over you know?
Just get it all out and stop lying to everyone, well, and like open up to myself. It's fucking scary though.
I want someone so badly to just be here, someone to hug and just break it down with me, try and sort shit out.
I'm so fucking lonely and I can't deal with being so alone at the moment.
I don't want to be ashamed anymore, but I dunno how to make this shame go away, I don't know how to stop hating myself and start helping myself. It's all layed out in front of me and I can't reach out and take it, it's so fucking hard. Jesus fucking christ.
I wish I wasn't so scared too. I wish I could just accept this, and get on with it. But I don't know how to, how to accept this. I just want to continue blocking it out forever and ever, but I know it's the worst thing I could do. I don't want to lose the scrap of dignaty I have left.
As hard as life is and as much as I throw it around like a play thing, I don't want to lose it, I want to live, but I just don't know how. I'm changing, I don't feel like Saz anymore. Fucks sake. ]]> sarah2 http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/sarah2/84-wishing.html http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/my-dreams-killed-me/83-um-bored.html Wed, 30 Apr 2008 15:09:18 GMT yeah that's what I am right now, just bored out of my face and could'd find something to post in, so I'm going to use this ladybug to give me power! (random youtube reference!) :60: ]]> My Dreams killed me http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/my-dreams-killed-me/83-um-bored.html http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/metalhead_rose/81-lost-more.html Sun, 27 Apr 2008 23:30:12 GMT Alright, so I weigh 116 pounds now. But I don't even give a shit anymore. I want to go jump from a cliff. And there's a lot of nice big ones here. I'm completely and utterly sick and tired of everything. ]]> metalhead_rose http://www.exasco.info/forum/blogs/metalhead_rose/81-lost-more.html