The fuked up life that is me. Do not judge me!
Posted 02-20-2008 at 03:01 PM by Broken_mind
So often i sit and think of what my life is like.
How much of a waste it is and how pointless it all is in the end to me.
I feel like every day i spend just searching for something to make my life whole. Or to be honest with myself its somebody to make my life whole.
I search everyweekend when im out. Pulling boys in clubs, sleepin with guy mates, tryin to find somebody who is out thre, cos i know they are, i just need them now.
So now i have this new guy tht i met a couple of weekends ago. But i dunno really what is happening. We have been on 1 date but its frustrating me cos i can only meet him like 1ce a weekend and its annoying.
But thing is there is also this other guy. And im coming clean and sayin yes i am sleeping with him, but its just no strings attachted sex when either of us wants it. No emotional connections but it starting to feel like there is or well i want there to be but there never will be.
The thought of being alone scares me so much, i have such reliance issues. i need to feel loved and it stresses me when im single for too long cos i feel so unwanted which is why i think i get around. Its awful i know becuase somebody my age shouldnt be like that but i cant help it.
I think this new guy will be a good thing for me cos i do really like him but thing is i dont feel lots for him which is a wierd thought cos the past few times that i have started goin out with somebody i have been head over heels for them for AGES and i still cant get over my ex bf. I havent really seen him since we broke up but i still cant help but miss him so much and i dont know why.
He was such a cunt to me when he broke up. I still have the fukin scar from where he pushed me into a car and thing is i still dont resent him for it! Not even a tiny bit. I know that if i saw him i would freeze, becuase i still love him so much. After all the shit he put me through i should hate him so much but i just dont.
Eugh its so fuked up and im fed up of being confused about it all. Just kinda writing it all down helps i guess /\/\ xx /\/\
How much of a waste it is and how pointless it all is in the end to me.
I feel like every day i spend just searching for something to make my life whole. Or to be honest with myself its somebody to make my life whole.
I search everyweekend when im out. Pulling boys in clubs, sleepin with guy mates, tryin to find somebody who is out thre, cos i know they are, i just need them now.
So now i have this new guy tht i met a couple of weekends ago. But i dunno really what is happening. We have been on 1 date but its frustrating me cos i can only meet him like 1ce a weekend and its annoying.
But thing is there is also this other guy. And im coming clean and sayin yes i am sleeping with him, but its just no strings attachted sex when either of us wants it. No emotional connections but it starting to feel like there is or well i want there to be but there never will be.
The thought of being alone scares me so much, i have such reliance issues. i need to feel loved and it stresses me when im single for too long cos i feel so unwanted which is why i think i get around. Its awful i know becuase somebody my age shouldnt be like that but i cant help it.
I think this new guy will be a good thing for me cos i do really like him but thing is i dont feel lots for him which is a wierd thought cos the past few times that i have started goin out with somebody i have been head over heels for them for AGES and i still cant get over my ex bf. I havent really seen him since we broke up but i still cant help but miss him so much and i dont know why.
He was such a cunt to me when he broke up. I still have the fukin scar from where he pushed me into a car and thing is i still dont resent him for it! Not even a tiny bit. I know that if i saw him i would freeze, becuase i still love him so much. After all the shit he put me through i should hate him so much but i just dont.
Eugh its so fuked up and im fed up of being confused about it all. Just kinda writing it all down helps i guess /\/\ xx /\/\
Total Comments 1
Comments
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Its better to brake up now and you know what type of guy he may have been. See rapr and abuse, The NY Philharmonic Orchestra. These are some men you do not want to meet
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Posted 03-13-2008 at 02:00 AM by louvitti
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Recent Blog Entries by Broken_mind
- The fuked up life that is me. Do not judge me! (02-20-2008)
