my life is so out of my control anymore. seems like no matter what i do, i cant seem to change things. some days im happy, most days im not. and ive mostly been in a good mood lately. until today. this morning was really good. me and mom were getting stuff for the girls birthday party. that was fun, i was so hyper. then pat and jen came over. i swear its like he is such a different person now. i hate it. that bitch has changed him. i hate her. i really do. and at first i didnt. i actually wanted...

(sha)

lol... so i might be coming into a problem. I'm drinking again tonight. and again tomorrow night. I'm sure i'll be drinking again every weekend. and i could blame it on everyone at work cos i will be drinking with them. but meh. it's fun


So i got drunk on Tuesday night. I'll be drunk tonight and tomorrow night i'll probably be more then drunk lol.

OzzieJess

So a few posts back i mentioned Eli. And that i liked him. Well i'm not sure that i do. I'm confusing myself.

I think the only reason i like him is cos i know i cant have him. I always did like a challenge.

I really am just happy being single. I am learning alot about myself. Like I can do anything i want. That it's ok to be loud and annoying, it's ok to be me. I don't have to be as grown up as i've been pretending. I'm learning I dont need anyone. I can do this all...

OzzieJess

I'm feeling all over the place right now. I'm trying so hard to keep it to myself. I smile at the right times, laugh at the right times but i just feel strange. I'm tired. I'm over alot of things that i've been trying to control. And i'm learning there isn't much i can control. Which i think is way Im controlling what i eat so much. Since Monday i've been so bad. I've stopped eatting Breakfast and dinner, and the most i normally eat is fruit. which is better then nothing i guess... I just want some...

OzzieJess

Well... here we go again. I'm so close to the edge, and i'm just standing here in the safe zone. but i dont want to be safe anymore. I'm going to jump. I've decided jump with both feet.. I'm not going to close my eyes, i'm not going to hide from this.

I've booked my next holidays. when i get home on the 9th i'll be booking the flight tickets to Brisbane and figure out how to get to the Gold Coast to where i'm staying.

I'm not looking back anymore. I'm living for today...

OzzieJess

I'm in a good mood.... I've decided to just let myself fall for Eli... i don't care... if i just admit that i like him i'll get over him... BUT I LIKE ELI..... i'm over caring too much bout it... i mean he is the most amazing guy i think i've ever met. He's the sweetest, and kindest by far... and it confuses me that i like him... and not just like him, i mean i get butterflies. i smile like a stupid idoit when he's around, i can't catch my breath, and my heart starts beating way too fast. I've been...

OzzieJess

At home all alone, not sure if much else for me to do or say so i am just going to sulk here on line....

Meow cry meow

Amaya_Rose

what am I doing??? I'm so tired, i'm feeling like crap. i have a stupid ear and throat infection... and i'm just so over today... :(

GGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRR i'm over this all......

OzzieJess

so this is me... this is who i want to be right now...

Strong... strong enough that you wont see me cry... that doesn't mean i don't cry... it simply means i wont cry in front of you. in front of anyone. I wont allow myself to seem weak. i can get through life... i am strong.

Scared... scared of being me. scared of being alive. scared of living. scared of letting anyone in. scared of getting hurt again. Because the people who said i'll never hurt you, are the ones...

OzzieJess

I'm feeling... well i feel like i have so many paths in front of me.. and i have to choose which one to take... I can move to Melbourne next yr with a best friend... i can stay up north and work and save and go to Europe.. which is what i think i'll do...

I want to write my book... and i think i'm going start writing my book again.

I have so much going on in my head... and it's confusing the crap outta me.. but i'm happily confused lol...

yeah ok so...

OzzieJess