life and such.

iv been thinking a lot about life lately. i just decided im gonna write it all down.

my relationships with people around me have affected me a lot lately. in the past year iv changed more than i think i ever have before. friendships are weird for me at the moment, because they're different to what they normally are. im not close to any of my regular friends anymore, but i notice whenever any of themhave a major problem, they still come and talk to me about it. i dunno why that is. im scared of losing them altogether, but im sick of making an effort to be good friends with people who im unlikely to see much after school.

we're doing a lot of life stuff at school at the moment.. for me its probably the best point in my life to do it, because im at that stage where im nearly an adult, and iv experienced things in my life. iv felt a lot of different things and im becoming my own person.

i worry a lot about the people that mean the most to me. i have a few friends that i would do anything for, because they've helped me in ways that even though are often unintentional, have shaped me to become who i am. we watched a video about ice addiction in class the other day, and i saw how fucked up these peoples lives became because of a drug addiction. it made me realise how much i would hate to see someone i love throw their life away for drugs. i believe that everyone can make something of themselves. you dont have to be the most intelligent person to do something great. because everyone is good at different things. this quote we were talking about in english today pretty much describes this..

"A timber fit for pillars should not be misused for chopsticks"

so many people these days are becoming the chopsticks, not the pillars, and it concerns me. although its easier just to be chopsticks, those pillars have a much bigger affect on whats around it than the chopsticks. you can eat a meal without chopsticks, but a bridge wont stay up without the pillars. that quote has more depth to it than i think most people realise. theres a whole lot more of these quotes which i think people would like to hear, but i wont say it in here.

we were also talking about euthanasia in class.. i have a very mixed opinion about this issue. on one side i think that it shouldnt be allowed because theres always the chance that by some miracle they could get better. what we call terminally ill now might not be in 18 months, science is growing so exponentially that its hard to determine where its gonna be in the near future. and by saying no to euthanasia, it means you've still got that hope, that chance that one day things might change. on the other hand however, theres the fact that people suffer terribly from terminal illness that really just dont wanna keep suffering anymore. its hard for them to keep living. and its also hard for the family and friends of that person to watch them suffering. for me, its difficult to watch someone continually get ill. it hurts more and more each time they get sick, and i begin to wonder when its going to stop. if euthanasia was legal, i actually think it would be easier because you'd know when that person was going to pass on.. you'd be able to say goodbye, and yes it would be hard, incredibly hard, but in my opinion it would also be a relief to know that they are never gonna get sick again. when you know someone whos terminally ill, everytime you see them could be the last. its the uncertainty that makes it so fucking painful.

i've come to realise that life is full of tragedies and traumas. you become a stronger person as you overcome these tragedies, but it never makes it easier for the next time. however, its because of this that you need to make the most of the good things you have in life. appreciate them more because nothing lasts forever.