|
It's a hard decision to make. But when put in the position, you think differently, but don't forget, you've a) just been raped and b) you've got a baby inside you which you dont want.
My mother was raped and I'm the result of it and that lead to our relationship ttoally breaking down and our eventual hatred for each other. She used to say that she saw him in my eyes and that she wished she'd had the abortion.
But, for me, it was different.
Before it happened to me, I thought exactly the same, noo, I couldnt get an abortion, I would feel love for my baby.
It wasnt like that. It was a year and a bit ago and it was totally surreal. From the day I found out I pregnant till the day I had the abortion, it was a blur. Being raped alone is horrific for anyone to experiance, but, well, its impossible to imagine, but, having that mans baby growing inside of you? Well, someone stronger could have dealt with it, but it drove me crazy. It wasnt just that, I did it because the baby would've had a shit life with me, in the thralls of a heroin addiction, my life was hardly the place for a baby.
I still somtimes wonder wether I made the right choice. But, at the time, I considered it really hard, really, really hard and I didnt have a home at the time either.
But, I cant go back on it, and people are going to judge me all my life for it, but the fact that I hate myself everyday for it, is enough punishment I guess.
Everyone needs to have the choice.
And in hindsight, would it have been right for me to have had that baby? I still dunno.
But yes. Real life story. It IS different when it happens to you.
|